Ease on Down the Road

Hey family,

It's a good time to be alive!  Today, I woke up pondering all of the blessings God has bestowed upon my life and I am grateful.  Many doors are opening while simultaneously many are shutting. However, I am convinces this is a GREAT time to be alive.  The last few days I have been inudated with many projects and new opportunities; much to my amazement things are faring well!  Despite my tendency to be a perfectionist, I am learning to ENJOY this process...

The other day I mentioned to a friend of mine that as I approach 40 (yes, I will be forty years old next year), my perspective on life is shifting.  As a younger person, I remember living to please others, needing their validation/approval.  Now, I am at a point in my life, where the opinions of others do not mean as much.  I'm learning how to be comfortable in my skin, after all life is short and the end of the day, I want to be proud of the life I chose live.  So, the other day while I was shopping at Columbia Mall (I was reviewing music in my head from the Wiz) and it HIT me.  It's like the light bulb came on!  I began to reflect on the lyrics of the song: "Com'on ease on down, ease on down the road...don't you carry NOTHING that might be a load."  FREEDOM!!!  It was in that moment, I purposed to ease on down the road...no more struggling, no more contention but I would force myself to do things in ease - freedom from labor or pain!  No MORE DIS-EASE!  There is a road with my name on it, with your name on it and it is a path purposed for you.  Despite whatever obstacles or obstructions you are facing,  you can ease on down the road dumping everything that will hinder you! Who would have thought that the lyrics of a song from a musical could offer so much life??  Join me why don't you....EASE ON DOWN THE ROAD!!

Lending my voice,

Lady J

The Obscure Beginnings of a Great Movement

Good morning family,

As I stated in my last post, I made a commitment this year to blog at least once a week. So, here it goes...

"Every process has a beginning and end.  Your beginning serves a great purpose"

The events leading up to the night of the showcase that would change my life forever were accompanied by feelings of anger, hurt and pain.  I've often heard people use the analogy of "giving birth" when it comes to the visible manifestation of a dream or personal aspiration.  The reality is this, I haven't given birth, but if the pain and labor I encountered is anything like what some of my sisters who are mothers have endured, I applaud your strength and endurance.  Certainly, I don't speak in terms of physical pain but rather the intense emotional hurt and pain from such undertaking.  One of the reasons, I waited so long to pen or publish my thoughts about my event is because of my intense desire to "protect" the innocent.  As I write, I am careful to not to offend but rather share my story...my account or perspective of things that have directly impacted me because I am convinced people need to know they are not alone.  No man is an island, no man stands alone.  Hence, my intent is to release hope and strength to those in need.  Certainly, I could write for entertainment purposes but I figure there is enough out there and now we have, Real Husbands of Hollywood...LOL!!  Nonetheless,  I choose to be a beacon of light and endurance.

It is true: obscure places can bring about great things in your life.  My dream was birthed on the back of obscurity... As a child, I struggled tremendously with rejection especially among my peers and the need for this validation unfortunately found itself in my adulthood.  It took on various manifestations and became less detectable as journeyed through... From extreme behavior such as wanting to be liked by everyone to being determined to be different.  These extreme behavioral patterns are key indicators that something is lacking and that I was vying for attention.  Much of my life, I turned to spirituality as certainly God was the only one who understood isolating myself from others - creating an even greater force field of rejection.  

I was never completely certain about WHO I was as an artist/singer.  I grew up exposed to Gospel music only and I have a strong musical background.  Most of my family sings. However, I was the "least" of these.  I remember getting so nervous when people would call me to sing that I would vomit before and after.  I remember feelings of being light headed while on stage and lastly, how can I forget burping in the mic because of nerves.  You see, I never thought I would sing.  Although, I had been singing all the time, I didn't think I had much to offer because I didn't do ten thousand riffs like Kim Burrell or Darryl Coley.  Plus, I wasn't convinced I had the capacity to really singing.  Unfortunately, singing in the church became a laborious thing for me because I didn't measure up...I didn't make the cut.  After all, my singing voice was mediocre.  You see, I was told at a very tender age, that I was a mediocre singer and these words never left my mind.  People, it's very important to remember just how powerful our words are especially when we are speaking to our children.  I was a child and basically, my interpretation of that statement was that I didn't have the goods nor talent to sing at all.  Those words left an indelible impression which planted seeds of doubt and fear - uncertainty.  I would hear these words being echoed throughout my life as I was called upon to sing at church, school and special events.  "You are average, just mediocre."  Yet, this is a direct contradiction to what God says because the Bible says everything He made was good.  In the eyes of my heavenly Father, He views my gift as extraordinary after all, I am an extension of Him!  Funny thing is, He feels the same way about YOU!  You are unique and special!  Nobody can beat YOU at being YOU! Hear me, I'm not suggesting that we lie to people. There is a proper way (sensitivity to timing) to speak truth and most of us fail in this department rending our victims hopeless and without joy.  

All the while what I fail to understand was this obscure place in my life was breeding ground to morph into something great, a great movement.  Later, I discovered I was more than a singer, I was a voice - a creative artist and there is no one like me.  I've been uniquely designed with greatness in mind...but it is not my doing, it is the hand of an awesome God.  It is to Him, I render and give back my talents and ability.  My obscurity was prime opportunity and while people around me rejected the unique gift, God was preparing me all the time for a special moment.  He brought clarity and helped me understand that I was more than a gospel singer (trust me, I love the genre).  He showed me the intent of my heart: to inspire and to give love; as such He uses me in any genre.  My calling extents beyond the corridors of traditionalism and religion.  Perhaps, this is why things were so obscure for me and for so long; however, this is a new paradigm,  it's one that I've seen very few people set.  I'm blazing a trail Purposed for me and this is why I had to put together a showcase.  It wasn't just for mere entertainment alone...it was about finally come out of this murky and ambiguous place to publicly declare: I was born to defy gravity.  I was born to exceed your expectations.  I was to be a voice in the earth and my artistic expression is worship that I offer back to my Creator.  As I perceive who He has destined me to be, my awareness is heightened and I'm provoked to endure; weakening the power of people's opinion and expectation of me ( those things become less important).  I set my limits according to God's plan for my life and the sky is the limited!

The days leading up to a "Classy Evening with Lady Jesaira" were designed to push me in a corner, to silence my voice and to hinder the birthing of a great movement.  However, I made a conscious decision to forgive, to pursue and to reject the words uttered to me during my youth.  I chose to rise above it and to stay the course.  A dear loved one nearly cursed me two days before my event and I held the phone determined to fight the tears, determined not be lured back into an unhealthy state.  I used this disappointment, this pain as fuel to soar and I encourage you to do the same.  The pursuit of purpose is not an easy one, perhaps finding your place is even harder but embrace the obscure seasons in your life because these humble beginnings translate into great movements if you allow them too.  Channel your disappointments, choose to view them differently.  There are some people who must walk away...let them.  God will bring the right people into your life at the right time.  I'm sure if you asked any person of great influence and impact, they will agree.  It is the murky places of your heart and your soul that creates wonderful soil to manifest a harvest.  Despise not your small beginnings, despise not the rejection you encountered, despise not the doors that were closed, despise not the people who left and despise not your own personal insecurities...  I urge you, let these moments become a bridge-way to a great movement!

So, what's next?  I'm planning an evening of Jazz and Neo Soul in May 2013 -"Lady Jesaira and Friends".  Additionally, I'm going to record and release my first EP this year - "The Journey of Love".   I'm excited and nervous but things are coming together.  God is yet blowing my mind.  More details to come...

Stay the course!

Until next time...lending my voice,

Lady J

Hey there!

Hello friends!

It's a NEW YEAR and I have yet to write...well, I'm making a commitment to post once a week.  :-)

So much transpired since my last post.  I had my first showcase and it was a tremendous success; although, I would be lying if I said it didn't come at a tremendous cost.  I lost a dear friendship and I don't think it will be repaired.  Additionally, I experienced major disappointment at the hands of family members.  However, I was determined to complete the project and I'm proud to announce: IT IS FINISHED.  Many of the lessons I learned from the experience cannot be recounted in one post...it will take several other to express the growth I encountered by taking on such an august task.

Today, I was reminded of the need to consistently use my "voice" in this forum as an opportunity to share my story.  It is my hope and desire that someone else will experience renewed strength as they read about my real life encounters.  It is true: the testimony of ONE can save the lives of many...

Defying Gravity

As I approach one of the biggest fulfillment's in my life, I face a brick wall.  After several months of preparation and planning for my first showcase, I am struggling with seeing the vision.  For the last several nights, I have not slept well, I'm tossing and turning wondering, wishing and hoping. I've gained a few pounds  and thought to myself, "Wow, really Jesaira.  How did you get back here?" My soul is in turmoil because the vision looks blurry and those who I thought would support and believe, haven't.  Can I be very honest??  Sure, I can...it's my blog...  pursuing your GOD given dream is NOT easy and it's not a journey for punks.  This journey towards what God said has been costly and extremely lonely.  Not many people understand, nor seek to understand the plight.  It is much easier to sit back and passively allow life and opportunities to pass you by.   I'm doing this showcase because my Creator, God inspired me to do such....He encouraged me to soar like an eagle, to defy the limitations and opinions of people and to be ALL He has created me to be.  Well, I've had an epiphany (call it naivety) but I now I realize there are some people around who are not necessarily fond of what God has for you...some people call them haters, others call them blockers and since this is new to me, I call them misinformed.  I am reminded of my ongoing struggle - my human deficiency to still desire the acceptance and approval of my peers/colleagues.  Oh well, help Jesus!  Back to my point, only those who are misinformed and removed from their own personal dreams, would discourage others who dream.  This mentality is an open door to ignorance and I would prefer to say ignorance versus someone hating on me.  Often, the things we don't understand, we mishandle.  And this experience is teaching me that many people mishandle what they see because they don't understand, they are misinformed. Additionally, this journey is teaching that everyone is not meant to understand your plight; as such, the focus should not be on trying to get those aboard who don't understand or who don't see it.  Rather, it's more advantageous for me to spend time, investing in the assignment, the charge God has given me to be a creative being and to be a source of hope for others.  In doing so, God will fund my dreams and take charge of the rest and will send the support - the people He desires to be in my space during this crucial time of delivery.

So, as I seriously contemplate Nov. 3rd - whether or not to proceed, I am reminded of what initiated all of this....the words from a song that God spoke to my heart..."Jesaira, I created you to DEFY GRAVITY.  To soar beyond the expectations and opinions of others.  You are a VOICE, a voice designed to impact many.  Use your voice to make a difference."  Recently, a friend of mine said, "minimize, devalue the opinions of others and maximize God's opinion more."

Several months back, I received an email from Tyler Perry;s office (standard email blasts) and he shared his story...he had absolutely nothing and many didn't believe in him.  Now, he is the highest paid actor in Hollywood, making $139 million dollars last year.  Not bad Tyler.  Although, he receives many criticisms from people in the industry (another story for another day), I admire ANYONE who goes from nothing to something great because of their personal dream and vision.  After the dream, it is very important to visualize what you have dreamed about and I believe Tyler did that...he was relentless in his pursuit and he was determined despite what he saw with his natural eye to manifest the dream.  Tyler tapped into the plan of God which caused his faith to be activated; suddenly, Tyler began to see with his spiritual eyes.  Now I feel and sense the presence of God asking me as He did Jeremiah, "What do you see?".  Well, my honest response is I don't know but I realize the gifts and the talents I have are not my own; therefore, God has the august responsibility to take care of HIS own.  So, it shall be according to my faith...Lord, I believe....
I will wait upon you, Lord and YOU shall renew my strength.  You have anointed me and therefore, I will mount up on wings as an EAGLE, to run and not grow weary, to walk and NEVER faint, Isaiah 40:31 and it is with these words, I am encouraged to take flight, fly, soar and DEFY GRAVITY.

Defying Gravity (from the musical Wicked)

Something has changed within me...

Something is not the same...

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.

Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep...

It's time to TRUST my INSTINCTS, close my eyes

And LEAP...

It's time to try defying gravity,

I think I'll try defying gravity

And You can't hold me down....

Lending my voice,

Lady Jesaira

Growing Pains

A lot has happened and transpired over the last few months...too much to chronicle at this time but I wrote a poem today to kind of sum up where I am and I wanted to share it with you....

GROWING PAINS

 

Measured by the yard stick, growth spurt seems normal

 

Yet the winds of life – the ebbs and the flows stunt what I feel

 

Throbbing, excruciating pain overwhelming my knees, legs and back of my thighs

 

With each step, the more intense it becomes, weighty and not disguised

 

Water rises, heart races and then sudden defeat

 

Years gone by and time awastin’, growth has ceased

 

Or has it really…could it just be

 

Growing pains expanding my stride?

Lending my voice,

Lady J

GO WITH THE FLOW...

A friend of mine posted on her FB page her desire to listen to IndiaAire and I believe her post was the motivation behind this blog entry... India Aire wrote a song that has a tag/vamp: "Go with the FLOW"

There is something to be said for the individual who learns how to work smarter and not harder.  Sometimes, we try absolutely too hard to make things happen for us.  From relationships to careers, every component of our life has its' own rhythm and flow.  Toward the end of last year, I began to meditate on the word rhythm and cadence.  Life has a rhythm, it is filled with ebbs and flows, ups and downs, hills, peaks and valleys.  Many times we try to force things that are not designed to work for us.  There are some relationships, some people who were never designed to be in our inner circle, they were never purposed to "get" us...  There are some career opportunities that are not a perfect fit...some situations that would result in more harm than good.  You can't fit a square peg in round hole but many times we try under the guise of "making it work".  ATTENTION PLEASE..."making it work" doesn't always work!  I submit to you as I have come to know, life is full of adventure some good and bad...life is comprised of making good decisions and well as bad...life is filled with rejection and acceptance.  However, at the end of the day what's destined for you will happen...what's destined for me will happen.  So, relax, no need to compare yourself to another...no need to be anxious, jealous or in a frenzy...  All things will work out according to God's purpose and design for your life.  Here's the other thing: everybody has a different rhythm and flow.  Times and seasons bring about different things and learning how to submit to the cadence of life is our responsibility.  If you listen to the drum beat of life, it will guide you to your next step...it will be your lead-in and safely secure you.  However, being tuned in comes from being connected to a Source much bigger, much greater than you...God the Father.  He is the ultimate conductor and each musical section is under His orchestration.  If we can trust Him and understand He has our best interest in mind, we would truly prosper and succeed.  As much as I would like to think I have the final say, I really don't.  My responsibility to go with the flow...  To flow suggests relaxing and lending yourself to vulnerability...the struggle is over when you yield to the flow...  Once we submit to the flow, things will naturally fall into sync... The Harmony of life will come as we flow...

SO.....

Trust the process because the Creator knows the end from the beginning.  For my single ladies... if you desire marriage...just wait...trust and believe it will happen.  If you desire to succeed in your career...do what you know to do BUT after that REST and trust the FLOW!  Whatever your desire is...God knows it, the UNIVERSE is aware of it...however, trust the SOURCE...trust God the Father to work it out and JUST GO WITH THE FLOW as India Aire so eloquently coined the phase.

Lending My Voice,

Lady J

FIT just for Him

Hey everyone!

It's been awhile since I have blogged, yet, a lot has happened and changed in my life.

I'm learning a very valuable lesson about love.  Love is not always convenient, many times it isn't.  But it is the test of our love that really marks our level of maturation.  Maturation and acceptance of others is ultimately a result of self love and acceptance.    As such, I feel it necessary to expose some vulnerable areas in my life that perhaps will bless or help encourage others.  So, lately, I've been struggling with insecurity and the need for validation; as such, I have put back on some pounds that I released...Folks, weight loss is connected to much more than FOOD...believe that!!   I'm not afraid to expose me because I have absolutely nothing to lose...I am not perfect, like everyone else I'm a work in progress.  But I recognize the pursuit of purpose and destiny fills a void....without purpose, my heart feels void and no matter who or what I turn too, it is incapable of meeting my need.  As much as I've prided myself on being an independent thinker and self reliant, I realize there's some ways in my heart which require cleansing.  Recently, I've returned back to understanding that I'm absolutely nothing without Christ.  I am not self-sufficient at all; as a matter of fact, God is the SOURCE of all of my strength and sometimes, we get in the way of our progression becoming our own biggest enemy.  My security and validation is wrapped up in the ONE who created me and knows all there is to know about me; as I pursue Him, my life becomes complete and my insecurities dissipate...

Just wanna encourage you to believe in yourself...but first believe in the ONE who created you.  No matter what, He knows what you need and He knows how to make it happen for you.  Last night, I attended a church service and the preacher inspired me to stay on the path I believe God has purposed for me.  I don't have to announce who I am anymore because my works will precede me...Also, I don't have to push my way.  Lastly, I'm learning that I am not meant for every circle...some circles are just not for me and guess what it's okay. Sometimes,  I was born and raised in the church but I despise religion.  I believe in personal relationship with Christ and I believe Christ impacts my life and makes the difference. My way of thinking is unconventional to many and I realize going against the grain isn't popular; many times it is frowned upon.   I'm realizing more and more God made me uniquely.  Sometimes, peer pressure will make you feel bad about who you are but I realize I'm different.  Different is good and I realize my uniqueness is a great offering.  It's a uniqueness that bridges the gap and brings different types of people together.  I feel like I'm been given the unique ability to see good in most people and I strive embrace people right where they are.  Well, this isn't popular...many times we cast judgement and lack the empathy necessary to be a blessing to others.  People are drawn to authenticity and our love, bottom line.  I empathize with others because I am in touch with my idiosyncrasies and shortcomings. I AM NOT PERFECT!

I've never been one to conform or  look to others for answers...  This is good to some extent and in another sense not so good but God is teaching me how to discern when I'm being difficult and need to comply.  Compliance isn't always a bad thing...once more, I am learning it is not necessary to announce myself...I'm letting my works speak. Basically, I guess what I'm saying life is reminding me of the need to let God be my source of security and validation.  His love for me is perfect and it doesn't waver.  While I may look for love in the wrong places and in imbalanced relationships, He facilitates and meets all of my needs!  EVERY NEED - emotional, physical, spiritual, relational and psychological.  I don't have to "FIT" in...as long as I realize I'm "FIT" enough for Him that's all that matters.  Just wanna encourage you in the same manner.  When you stop trying to fit in and just be, God will bring the right people, the right relationships and the right opportunities to you.  I'm determined to stay on track with my weight loss and exercise regimen.  I'm FIT because HE accepts me just as I am and SO are you!  What He created is good and He doesn't make mistakes.  People may improperly assess who you are but it's okay because you are FIT enough...there is a strategic place for both you and I in the Earth and God will use man to help us but our security will come as we accept who He has made us to be!  It's gravy, baby....

Lending my voice,

Lady J