SMILE...

So, today is my birthday and I woke up inspired to write. Yesterday, I was just sharing about how cathartic it is for me to write.  I woke up inspired to share my story and I woke up realizing one of the greatest assets I have to offer is my smile.  There are those who say I smile TOO much and then there are those who anticipate a smile from me.  Generally, I keep a smile on my face but lately, the enemy of my soul has tried to robbed me of one of my greatest assets...my smile.  Here's a little poetic piece I decided to write today...

Life for my ain't been no crystal stair and for many, many years a frown is what I'd often wear.

Depressed and weighed down by what others say

Drowning in their opinions, nothing but judgment and heresay

Trials and disappointments diabolically sent to take me off course

Yet for a second, I'm derailed because I forgot God was my source

But today, I woke up, rain all around

Cloudy, seemingly dreary BUT I suddenly begin to SMILE.

I smile because I understand my day has arrived

No more waiting but anticipating the harvest - it's my time.

Keep on smiling, never let anything rob you of your joy

Turn that frown upside down and for THIS robs the enemy of his ploy

Last night, I had an interesting conversation with a gentleman who came to see "the Wiz" and he complimented me on my personality/smile.  I smiled and say thank you.  He proceeded to say, "you seem to have this innate ability to make people laugh."  I nodded and agreed but then I begin to tell him the truth "there were many days I did not smile, I could not smile and once I allowed myself to be free in the arms of God, I've been smiling ever since."  My smile is indeed one of the greatest assets and contributions I could ever offer and even when I do have moments of despair, I strive to muster up a smile.  Why?  Because a smile, YOUR smile has the innate power to DISMISS, to ANNIHILATE and DESTROY the plot of your enemy.  Think about it.  It makes people very uncomfortable when you break out into a smile.  The last two weeks for me have been inundated with challenges designed to ROB me of my smile.  HA!  However, today I woke up....I snapped out of it and remembered "girl, you were born for such a time as this and no matter, show those pearly whites and SMILE!"  So, today as I approach a new day (my birthday), I am reminded to KEEP SMILING...

The pain will not last always and the trouble will soon pass....smile because your new day is here!  Look outside, it's raining, it's pouring and your moment of refreshing is NOW!  So, SMILE....

Until next time....

Lending my voice,

Lady J

Blemished but Flawless

Good morning, family!

I started this blog over a year ago while I was on tour and now I finally feel like it's time to release it so here it goes....

10/19/2011
After a day filled with intense rehearsal and arduous coursework, It's 3:34am and I am still awake.  I can't sleep, so I decided to write.  There is something very therapeutic about writing your thoughts and expressing yourself on paper.

Right now, I am in FL rehearsing for Menopause the Musical in Concert Tour and I've had a lot of time to think. Making the decision to accept this job wasn't an easy one but I do believe it was a God-ordained opportunity.  As such, I'm here and we will see where this journey takes us...

After I showered and began to prepare for bed this evening, I stopped to look at myself in the mirror.  Glaring back at me was something quite embarrassing and bothersome.  I began to examine, my flawed-blemished skin  as I have many, many times before.  I begin to reflect on how many medications I have received to treat my "flawed skin" and how none of them have seemed to work.   My most recent visit to the dermatologist was so depressing that I decided not to return. Not only was I humiliated but the doctor was so rude and insensitive that I vowed to never go back.  This original post was over a year ago....

FAST FORWARD TO NOW.....

2/5/2013
Skin care is important to most women and when you work in entertainment it is critical!!  Well, beautiful skin has been a fair weathered friend, something I've longed to achieve. My skin now is the worst it's ever been!!  :-(  As a teen, I remember being so insecure about my skin....I felt people where just living for the moments to point out the flawed areas of my skin.  While people would always compliment my teeth and my smile, I always knew people paid attention to my skin.  For many years, I struggled with accepting the fact that I was beautiful after all my skin was blemished full of acne...and I had a huge birthmark on my neck....ugh!! The moment I decided to pursue entertainment, I kept hearing "you will never make it because you are not pretty enough plus you're fat!"  One day I heard God speak to my heart and He challenged me to go outside without make up.,.,what?!  Are you serious???  No!!  I have to cover up everything!  He challenged me once again and said "what are you covering up?? What do you have to hide?  I love just the way you are and I want you to love yourself unconditionally." You see, everything that God created was good, He saw it was good because it ultimately is an extension of Him.  So that day I refused to put on makeup - I mean no make up!!  I felt extremely vulnerable and embarrassed but at the same time I was freed!!!  Freedom is becoming my portion in this area of my life and for the first time, I refused to hide from myself.  He reminded me of our conversation back in Florida, October 2011.  I saw myself just for who I was and although my skin wasn't perfect, there was something perfect about me just being me.  He didn't make a mistake...the Sovereign Lord does all things well!  He wanted me to be assured that there was something just right about Jesaira and I should not desire to change it but rather commit to embracing me even in my imperfections...  (Next time you see me, please don't stare at my face to view my flaws....that's just plain rude).  

Whats my point??  Well, I still struggle to this day to have perfect skin but I've learned to love me in spite of it all because external things don't define me exclusively.  There's more to me than my skin. Just like I am not my hair....I am not this skin either...I'm not your expectation-nope!  I am the soul that lives within!!  I'm learning to embrace me with every idiosyncrasy and deficiency; and although I'm blemished in many ways, I'm flawless before my Creator!!  And so are you my friends!!  He alone has the ability to fix the flawed, blemished areas of the heart, the soul.  Our responsibility is to love ourselves unconditionally...why?  If God can invest Himself in us and give of Himself...why can't I accept this truth and abide in peace.  Yea, I'm blemished but in His presence I'm flawless, wonderfully and fearfully made.  I am beautiful AND so are YOU!!

Lending my voice,

Lady J

Ease on Down the Road

Hey family,

It's a good time to be alive!  Today, I woke up pondering all of the blessings God has bestowed upon my life and I am grateful.  Many doors are opening while simultaneously many are shutting. However, I am convinces this is a GREAT time to be alive.  The last few days I have been inudated with many projects and new opportunities; much to my amazement things are faring well!  Despite my tendency to be a perfectionist, I am learning to ENJOY this process...

The other day I mentioned to a friend of mine that as I approach 40 (yes, I will be forty years old next year), my perspective on life is shifting.  As a younger person, I remember living to please others, needing their validation/approval.  Now, I am at a point in my life, where the opinions of others do not mean as much.  I'm learning how to be comfortable in my skin, after all life is short and the end of the day, I want to be proud of the life I chose live.  So, the other day while I was shopping at Columbia Mall (I was reviewing music in my head from the Wiz) and it HIT me.  It's like the light bulb came on!  I began to reflect on the lyrics of the song: "Com'on ease on down, ease on down the road...don't you carry NOTHING that might be a load."  FREEDOM!!!  It was in that moment, I purposed to ease on down the road...no more struggling, no more contention but I would force myself to do things in ease - freedom from labor or pain!  No MORE DIS-EASE!  There is a road with my name on it, with your name on it and it is a path purposed for you.  Despite whatever obstacles or obstructions you are facing,  you can ease on down the road dumping everything that will hinder you! Who would have thought that the lyrics of a song from a musical could offer so much life??  Join me why don't you....EASE ON DOWN THE ROAD!!

Lending my voice,

Lady J

The Obscure Beginnings of a Great Movement

Good morning family,

As I stated in my last post, I made a commitment this year to blog at least once a week. So, here it goes...

"Every process has a beginning and end.  Your beginning serves a great purpose"

The events leading up to the night of the showcase that would change my life forever were accompanied by feelings of anger, hurt and pain.  I've often heard people use the analogy of "giving birth" when it comes to the visible manifestation of a dream or personal aspiration.  The reality is this, I haven't given birth, but if the pain and labor I encountered is anything like what some of my sisters who are mothers have endured, I applaud your strength and endurance.  Certainly, I don't speak in terms of physical pain but rather the intense emotional hurt and pain from such undertaking.  One of the reasons, I waited so long to pen or publish my thoughts about my event is because of my intense desire to "protect" the innocent.  As I write, I am careful to not to offend but rather share my story...my account or perspective of things that have directly impacted me because I am convinced people need to know they are not alone.  No man is an island, no man stands alone.  Hence, my intent is to release hope and strength to those in need.  Certainly, I could write for entertainment purposes but I figure there is enough out there and now we have, Real Husbands of Hollywood...LOL!!  Nonetheless,  I choose to be a beacon of light and endurance.

It is true: obscure places can bring about great things in your life.  My dream was birthed on the back of obscurity... As a child, I struggled tremendously with rejection especially among my peers and the need for this validation unfortunately found itself in my adulthood.  It took on various manifestations and became less detectable as journeyed through... From extreme behavior such as wanting to be liked by everyone to being determined to be different.  These extreme behavioral patterns are key indicators that something is lacking and that I was vying for attention.  Much of my life, I turned to spirituality as certainly God was the only one who understood isolating myself from others - creating an even greater force field of rejection.  

I was never completely certain about WHO I was as an artist/singer.  I grew up exposed to Gospel music only and I have a strong musical background.  Most of my family sings. However, I was the "least" of these.  I remember getting so nervous when people would call me to sing that I would vomit before and after.  I remember feelings of being light headed while on stage and lastly, how can I forget burping in the mic because of nerves.  You see, I never thought I would sing.  Although, I had been singing all the time, I didn't think I had much to offer because I didn't do ten thousand riffs like Kim Burrell or Darryl Coley.  Plus, I wasn't convinced I had the capacity to really singing.  Unfortunately, singing in the church became a laborious thing for me because I didn't measure up...I didn't make the cut.  After all, my singing voice was mediocre.  You see, I was told at a very tender age, that I was a mediocre singer and these words never left my mind.  People, it's very important to remember just how powerful our words are especially when we are speaking to our children.  I was a child and basically, my interpretation of that statement was that I didn't have the goods nor talent to sing at all.  Those words left an indelible impression which planted seeds of doubt and fear - uncertainty.  I would hear these words being echoed throughout my life as I was called upon to sing at church, school and special events.  "You are average, just mediocre."  Yet, this is a direct contradiction to what God says because the Bible says everything He made was good.  In the eyes of my heavenly Father, He views my gift as extraordinary after all, I am an extension of Him!  Funny thing is, He feels the same way about YOU!  You are unique and special!  Nobody can beat YOU at being YOU! Hear me, I'm not suggesting that we lie to people. There is a proper way (sensitivity to timing) to speak truth and most of us fail in this department rending our victims hopeless and without joy.  

All the while what I fail to understand was this obscure place in my life was breeding ground to morph into something great, a great movement.  Later, I discovered I was more than a singer, I was a voice - a creative artist and there is no one like me.  I've been uniquely designed with greatness in mind...but it is not my doing, it is the hand of an awesome God.  It is to Him, I render and give back my talents and ability.  My obscurity was prime opportunity and while people around me rejected the unique gift, God was preparing me all the time for a special moment.  He brought clarity and helped me understand that I was more than a gospel singer (trust me, I love the genre).  He showed me the intent of my heart: to inspire and to give love; as such He uses me in any genre.  My calling extents beyond the corridors of traditionalism and religion.  Perhaps, this is why things were so obscure for me and for so long; however, this is a new paradigm,  it's one that I've seen very few people set.  I'm blazing a trail Purposed for me and this is why I had to put together a showcase.  It wasn't just for mere entertainment alone...it was about finally come out of this murky and ambiguous place to publicly declare: I was born to defy gravity.  I was born to exceed your expectations.  I was to be a voice in the earth and my artistic expression is worship that I offer back to my Creator.  As I perceive who He has destined me to be, my awareness is heightened and I'm provoked to endure; weakening the power of people's opinion and expectation of me ( those things become less important).  I set my limits according to God's plan for my life and the sky is the limited!

The days leading up to a "Classy Evening with Lady Jesaira" were designed to push me in a corner, to silence my voice and to hinder the birthing of a great movement.  However, I made a conscious decision to forgive, to pursue and to reject the words uttered to me during my youth.  I chose to rise above it and to stay the course.  A dear loved one nearly cursed me two days before my event and I held the phone determined to fight the tears, determined not be lured back into an unhealthy state.  I used this disappointment, this pain as fuel to soar and I encourage you to do the same.  The pursuit of purpose is not an easy one, perhaps finding your place is even harder but embrace the obscure seasons in your life because these humble beginnings translate into great movements if you allow them too.  Channel your disappointments, choose to view them differently.  There are some people who must walk away...let them.  God will bring the right people into your life at the right time.  I'm sure if you asked any person of great influence and impact, they will agree.  It is the murky places of your heart and your soul that creates wonderful soil to manifest a harvest.  Despise not your small beginnings, despise not the rejection you encountered, despise not the doors that were closed, despise not the people who left and despise not your own personal insecurities...  I urge you, let these moments become a bridge-way to a great movement!

So, what's next?  I'm planning an evening of Jazz and Neo Soul in May 2013 -"Lady Jesaira and Friends".  Additionally, I'm going to record and release my first EP this year - "The Journey of Love".   I'm excited and nervous but things are coming together.  God is yet blowing my mind.  More details to come...

Stay the course!

Until next time...lending my voice,

Lady J

Hey there!

Hello friends!

It's a NEW YEAR and I have yet to write...well, I'm making a commitment to post once a week.  :-)

So much transpired since my last post.  I had my first showcase and it was a tremendous success; although, I would be lying if I said it didn't come at a tremendous cost.  I lost a dear friendship and I don't think it will be repaired.  Additionally, I experienced major disappointment at the hands of family members.  However, I was determined to complete the project and I'm proud to announce: IT IS FINISHED.  Many of the lessons I learned from the experience cannot be recounted in one post...it will take several other to express the growth I encountered by taking on such an august task.

Today, I was reminded of the need to consistently use my "voice" in this forum as an opportunity to share my story.  It is my hope and desire that someone else will experience renewed strength as they read about my real life encounters.  It is true: the testimony of ONE can save the lives of many...

Defying Gravity

As I approach one of the biggest fulfillment's in my life, I face a brick wall.  After several months of preparation and planning for my first showcase, I am struggling with seeing the vision.  For the last several nights, I have not slept well, I'm tossing and turning wondering, wishing and hoping. I've gained a few pounds  and thought to myself, "Wow, really Jesaira.  How did you get back here?" My soul is in turmoil because the vision looks blurry and those who I thought would support and believe, haven't.  Can I be very honest??  Sure, I can...it's my blog...  pursuing your GOD given dream is NOT easy and it's not a journey for punks.  This journey towards what God said has been costly and extremely lonely.  Not many people understand, nor seek to understand the plight.  It is much easier to sit back and passively allow life and opportunities to pass you by.   I'm doing this showcase because my Creator, God inspired me to do such....He encouraged me to soar like an eagle, to defy the limitations and opinions of people and to be ALL He has created me to be.  Well, I've had an epiphany (call it naivety) but I now I realize there are some people around who are not necessarily fond of what God has for you...some people call them haters, others call them blockers and since this is new to me, I call them misinformed.  I am reminded of my ongoing struggle - my human deficiency to still desire the acceptance and approval of my peers/colleagues.  Oh well, help Jesus!  Back to my point, only those who are misinformed and removed from their own personal dreams, would discourage others who dream.  This mentality is an open door to ignorance and I would prefer to say ignorance versus someone hating on me.  Often, the things we don't understand, we mishandle.  And this experience is teaching me that many people mishandle what they see because they don't understand, they are misinformed. Additionally, this journey is teaching that everyone is not meant to understand your plight; as such, the focus should not be on trying to get those aboard who don't understand or who don't see it.  Rather, it's more advantageous for me to spend time, investing in the assignment, the charge God has given me to be a creative being and to be a source of hope for others.  In doing so, God will fund my dreams and take charge of the rest and will send the support - the people He desires to be in my space during this crucial time of delivery.

So, as I seriously contemplate Nov. 3rd - whether or not to proceed, I am reminded of what initiated all of this....the words from a song that God spoke to my heart..."Jesaira, I created you to DEFY GRAVITY.  To soar beyond the expectations and opinions of others.  You are a VOICE, a voice designed to impact many.  Use your voice to make a difference."  Recently, a friend of mine said, "minimize, devalue the opinions of others and maximize God's opinion more."

Several months back, I received an email from Tyler Perry;s office (standard email blasts) and he shared his story...he had absolutely nothing and many didn't believe in him.  Now, he is the highest paid actor in Hollywood, making $139 million dollars last year.  Not bad Tyler.  Although, he receives many criticisms from people in the industry (another story for another day), I admire ANYONE who goes from nothing to something great because of their personal dream and vision.  After the dream, it is very important to visualize what you have dreamed about and I believe Tyler did that...he was relentless in his pursuit and he was determined despite what he saw with his natural eye to manifest the dream.  Tyler tapped into the plan of God which caused his faith to be activated; suddenly, Tyler began to see with his spiritual eyes.  Now I feel and sense the presence of God asking me as He did Jeremiah, "What do you see?".  Well, my honest response is I don't know but I realize the gifts and the talents I have are not my own; therefore, God has the august responsibility to take care of HIS own.  So, it shall be according to my faith...Lord, I believe....
I will wait upon you, Lord and YOU shall renew my strength.  You have anointed me and therefore, I will mount up on wings as an EAGLE, to run and not grow weary, to walk and NEVER faint, Isaiah 40:31 and it is with these words, I am encouraged to take flight, fly, soar and DEFY GRAVITY.

Defying Gravity (from the musical Wicked)

Something has changed within me...

Something is not the same...

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.

Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep...

It's time to TRUST my INSTINCTS, close my eyes

And LEAP...

It's time to try defying gravity,

I think I'll try defying gravity

And You can't hold me down....

Lending my voice,

Lady Jesaira

Growing Pains

A lot has happened and transpired over the last few months...too much to chronicle at this time but I wrote a poem today to kind of sum up where I am and I wanted to share it with you....

GROWING PAINS

 

Measured by the yard stick, growth spurt seems normal

 

Yet the winds of life – the ebbs and the flows stunt what I feel

 

Throbbing, excruciating pain overwhelming my knees, legs and back of my thighs

 

With each step, the more intense it becomes, weighty and not disguised

 

Water rises, heart races and then sudden defeat

 

Years gone by and time awastin’, growth has ceased

 

Or has it really…could it just be

 

Growing pains expanding my stride?

Lending my voice,

Lady J