Today, I had a little conversation with myself and it kinda went like this: "Jesaira, why can't you seem to find love? What's wrong with you?" I answered myself with tears streaming down my eyes. Next thing I knew, I was crying uncontrollably, you know (that ugly cry). Once I finally regained my composure, I sat in complete silence for about 30 minutes. After 30 minutes of complete silence, I heard a voice say "I want to you let go of that negative thinking and see yourself like I see you. Love is first found from within." Furthermore, I heard "stop having a conversation with self-doubt and self-pity; rather, converse with truth...converse with beauty....embrace the fact that you have opportunity and time to be the best version of you, you could ever be!" If I'm honest, tears still filled my eyes but I began to embrace peace. I begin to understand the need to detox and to divorce myself from a negative perception that told me I was not worthy of love and commitment. It's not my loss because I actually have a lot to offer. Singles ladies...this struggle is so real to me and when love doesn't love you back, it's even more challenging and disappointing (heart-wrenching). I'm determined not to limit myself to the love and approval of one man...instead, I am daily choosing to see the "brighter side" of things. Today, I was reminded to have another conversation....I was reminded to stop conversing with negativity and to have a little conversation with LOVE...that self love that comes from ABOVE. I'm learning to love me all over again and although, I will be 42 years old in just a few months and I'm still single, I am hopeful the best is yet to come!
Yielding my voice,
Lady J
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Tuesday, December 22, 2015
Singleness - REAL TALK
Hey everyone!
Today, I was talking about the challenge of dating with a few friends and I think that conversation may have prompted this blog entry. So, thank you (you know who you are). :-)
It's been quite some time since I've written a blog article and now, I feel it's time for me to write again. Very honestly, I've just closed the door on a very difficult season and this blog is a message of transparency to encourage singles waiting for Love. Waiting for mutual love can be a very daunting and discouraging process fueled by the feelings of rejection, low self-esteem and loneliness. Depending on your daily environment, it can be a constant reminder of failure and lack. Admittedly, there are times, I feel like an outsider looking in. In an effort to comfort my soul, I shift my focus to other things to occupy my thoughts - sometimes it works and other times, it does not. I am writing this post because I have felt the heart of my fellow singles and it is NOT always an easy journey. I've heard it said to be content and yes, being content is a part of learning how to be fulfilled as a single but it does not negate the feelings of inadequacies and failure especially when you've purposed to wait on God. Can I be honest?? Being single can be the best of times but also the worst of times. It can be a moment of much success and quiet failure. It can be a time of much joy and secret sorrow.
I struggled with writing this blog because taking a risk like this can be costly. However, I realize I am a voice and I believe this blog will help somebody. I know what it's like to put your heart on an open platter for love not to be mutually returned and respected. I know what it is to try to live life as a celibate individual and yet fail because your desires are screaming out at you. I know what it is to be a Christian and feel like God has turned his back on the thing your heart desires. I know what it is to live in the throws of man's ambiguity and personal confusion while waiting in hopeful anticipation. I know what it is to suffer alone in silence while the rest of the world thinks you're okay. I know what it is to be told that your personal standards are too high and as such, you will never experience true love. I know what it is to say the words "I love you" and NOT hear the same in return. I know what it is to struggle with a broken heart, left to feel like it's the end of the world and you're nothing. Essentially, I am writing this blog to tell you my fellow single: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I also want to affirm the struggle is real YET I am learning there is hope. Key word is learning. Sometimes, it looks bleak and feels hopeless but it takes courage to love. It takes courage to feel again and to take the risk. It takes courage to wait for the right one to love you in return...simply put, it takes courage.
So, as I wait for LOVE (as we wait for love), please know that being honest about where you are is the beginning of accepting and fully embracing your singleness. Fight the urge to be jealous and to be presumptuous. I know you might get angry with God, I've been there too, still struggle at times with that but YOU are worth loving...you are beautiful, you are amazing! You're gorgeous...drop dead gorgeous and the right somebody will come along to recognize and honor you appropriately. You won't have to convince them because they will be willing. Resist the urge to compare yourself to other single friends and be true to who you are. Never be afraid to take risk and learn to discern when someone is tampering with your heart and wasting your time. When someone fails to regard your heart, move quickly away from such treatment and detox yourself from such poison. Forgive quickly and move forward. You never know....LOVE just might be on the other side.
I'm encouraged, hope you are as well!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Today, I was talking about the challenge of dating with a few friends and I think that conversation may have prompted this blog entry. So, thank you (you know who you are). :-)
It's been quite some time since I've written a blog article and now, I feel it's time for me to write again. Very honestly, I've just closed the door on a very difficult season and this blog is a message of transparency to encourage singles waiting for Love. Waiting for mutual love can be a very daunting and discouraging process fueled by the feelings of rejection, low self-esteem and loneliness. Depending on your daily environment, it can be a constant reminder of failure and lack. Admittedly, there are times, I feel like an outsider looking in. In an effort to comfort my soul, I shift my focus to other things to occupy my thoughts - sometimes it works and other times, it does not. I am writing this post because I have felt the heart of my fellow singles and it is NOT always an easy journey. I've heard it said to be content and yes, being content is a part of learning how to be fulfilled as a single but it does not negate the feelings of inadequacies and failure especially when you've purposed to wait on God. Can I be honest?? Being single can be the best of times but also the worst of times. It can be a moment of much success and quiet failure. It can be a time of much joy and secret sorrow.
I struggled with writing this blog because taking a risk like this can be costly. However, I realize I am a voice and I believe this blog will help somebody. I know what it's like to put your heart on an open platter for love not to be mutually returned and respected. I know what it is to try to live life as a celibate individual and yet fail because your desires are screaming out at you. I know what it is to be a Christian and feel like God has turned his back on the thing your heart desires. I know what it is to live in the throws of man's ambiguity and personal confusion while waiting in hopeful anticipation. I know what it is to suffer alone in silence while the rest of the world thinks you're okay. I know what it is to be told that your personal standards are too high and as such, you will never experience true love. I know what it is to say the words "I love you" and NOT hear the same in return. I know what it is to struggle with a broken heart, left to feel like it's the end of the world and you're nothing. Essentially, I am writing this blog to tell you my fellow single: YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I also want to affirm the struggle is real YET I am learning there is hope. Key word is learning. Sometimes, it looks bleak and feels hopeless but it takes courage to love. It takes courage to feel again and to take the risk. It takes courage to wait for the right one to love you in return...simply put, it takes courage.
So, as I wait for LOVE (as we wait for love), please know that being honest about where you are is the beginning of accepting and fully embracing your singleness. Fight the urge to be jealous and to be presumptuous. I know you might get angry with God, I've been there too, still struggle at times with that but YOU are worth loving...you are beautiful, you are amazing! You're gorgeous...drop dead gorgeous and the right somebody will come along to recognize and honor you appropriately. You won't have to convince them because they will be willing. Resist the urge to compare yourself to other single friends and be true to who you are. Never be afraid to take risk and learn to discern when someone is tampering with your heart and wasting your time. When someone fails to regard your heart, move quickly away from such treatment and detox yourself from such poison. Forgive quickly and move forward. You never know....LOVE just might be on the other side.
I'm encouraged, hope you are as well!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Saturday, July 27, 2013
ONE DAY AT A TIME
Hello family,
So, today as I am preparing for rehearsal, I am reflecting back on my weight journey. Maintaining my weight has always been challenging and I really thought I conquered the beast back in 1999, when I lost nearly 125 pounds. While I am not the size I was back in 1999, I've regained 60 of those pounds back...ugh! Here I am now, struggling to lose weight again but this time it's different - my body is different (hormones are going crazy), my living conditions are different, my temperament and tenacity are different and it's HARD. I'm sharing publicly because there is something very therapeutic about being open...being open and honest HELPS me and I am not ashamed.
Here I am AGAIN but the other day, I had an eye-opening experience and I saw the light... One of my friends challenged me to get on the scale and it pissed me OFF! It was much easier to feel the extra pounds than to get on the scale and SEE it for yourself. There's nothing like TRUTH staring you in the face. Anyway, I accepted the challenge and got on the scale...this year alone, I packed on 15 pounds...this is since my showcase in November. Ridiculous!! It dawned on me that I could not approach this journey as I had back in 1999....everything is DIFFERENT. This time required a deeper understanding, one that would keep me hopeful and motivated even when I want to throw in the towel. So, it hit me...God spoke to my heart and gently said: "Take it one day at a time; I am here and will lead you...I will be your DAILY provision." The lights went off and suddenly I released myself from being perfect... I realize the challenge with losing weight this time is the fact that I am so disciplined in other areas of my life so I despise having to restrict my dietary habits. Certainly, I should be able to do something without being concerned about the consequences....eating has been my past time...my guilty pleasure. I felt the calmness and peace of God come over me as I begin to understand that my success in this area will happen...ONE DAY AT A TIME...STEP BY STEP...BIT BY BIT...and now I'm free... In addition to reading the Bible, I decided to incorporate reading one inspiring story each day...it's a free app on Gateway computers and it's pretty awesome to keep me encouraged. Lastly, I have adopted this revelation as my new mantra and I will shout it from the mountain top with NO GUILT, CONDEMNATION AND REGRET --- "ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!"
Until next time....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
So, today as I am preparing for rehearsal, I am reflecting back on my weight journey. Maintaining my weight has always been challenging and I really thought I conquered the beast back in 1999, when I lost nearly 125 pounds. While I am not the size I was back in 1999, I've regained 60 of those pounds back...ugh! Here I am now, struggling to lose weight again but this time it's different - my body is different (hormones are going crazy), my living conditions are different, my temperament and tenacity are different and it's HARD. I'm sharing publicly because there is something very therapeutic about being open...being open and honest HELPS me and I am not ashamed.
Here I am AGAIN but the other day, I had an eye-opening experience and I saw the light... One of my friends challenged me to get on the scale and it pissed me OFF! It was much easier to feel the extra pounds than to get on the scale and SEE it for yourself. There's nothing like TRUTH staring you in the face. Anyway, I accepted the challenge and got on the scale...this year alone, I packed on 15 pounds...this is since my showcase in November. Ridiculous!! It dawned on me that I could not approach this journey as I had back in 1999....everything is DIFFERENT. This time required a deeper understanding, one that would keep me hopeful and motivated even when I want to throw in the towel. So, it hit me...God spoke to my heart and gently said: "Take it one day at a time; I am here and will lead you...I will be your DAILY provision." The lights went off and suddenly I released myself from being perfect... I realize the challenge with losing weight this time is the fact that I am so disciplined in other areas of my life so I despise having to restrict my dietary habits. Certainly, I should be able to do something without being concerned about the consequences....eating has been my past time...my guilty pleasure. I felt the calmness and peace of God come over me as I begin to understand that my success in this area will happen...ONE DAY AT A TIME...STEP BY STEP...BIT BY BIT...and now I'm free... In addition to reading the Bible, I decided to incorporate reading one inspiring story each day...it's a free app on Gateway computers and it's pretty awesome to keep me encouraged. Lastly, I have adopted this revelation as my new mantra and I will shout it from the mountain top with NO GUILT, CONDEMNATION AND REGRET --- "ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!"
Until next time....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Monday, June 3, 2013
FLIGHT
Hello family,
So, yesterday I had a life altering experience and I decided to share. Saturday I flew into Detroit to sing at a wedding and came right back the next day to close the Wiz. Anyone who knows me intimately knows that while I love traveling, I don't like flying. Flying is just not my cup of tea and I do it because I have too. At any rate, when I fly I literally pray over the plane, the pilots and the flight attendants. Upon entering/boarding the plane, I lay BOTH hands on the plane to dispatch my angels. Yes, I do it...don't laugh at me! Being 10,000+ feet in the high is NO joke and I value my life. Anyway, I've had bad flights in my day BUT yesterday was the WORST FLIGHT ever. Not sure if you are familiar with the movie "Flight" with Denzel Washington, well it was a great movie and yesterday, can I say the turbulence was SO bad that I really thought the plane was going to crash. People began to holler on the plane, a couple in front of me begin to cuddle and I began to pray. In the midst of all of this, the pilot commands the flight attendants to return to their seats immediately and not to get up until further notice - mind you the flight from Detroit to Baltimore is a little over an hour. In the midst of this heavy turbulence, I hit my head as I had a window seat and several people began to vomit much like the movie Flight. As I begin to pray, I told the Lord, "look I have purpose on my life and this is not how I expected my end to look". I heard a quiet voice say, "this is not the way in which your life will end so, relax." WHAT!?! Relax, when I am 10,000+ feet in the air and we are dropping several thousand feet at a time... Long story short, the flight attendants were never able to serve us because we had turbulence the entire time...horrible flight.
What is the point of sharing? I believe I learning something about how God holds us while in tumultuous seasons and times. God never promised us that the road would be easy. As a matter of fact, He lets us know that MANY are the afflictions of the righteous BUT He delivers us out of them all. You see, I'm a resourceful purpose. In other words, I'm a producer and I know HOW to make things happen particularly when times are rough and I am faced with a challenge. One of my favorite saying is, "Where there's a will, there's a way" and I firmly believe that BUT there are times when we cannot do anything about the trouble we face. Yesterday I faced trouble far beyond my control and anyone else for that matter. The scripture says God holds (Psalms 139:10) us in HIS hands...For when we are in the hands of the Lord, NO ENEMY can dare pluck us out...while HE may try, he won't succeed. I'm grateful because talking with my sister helped me realize this truth and perhaps the only way the Lord could get ME to learn THAT lesson was to allow yesterday to happen.
It is clear to me now, it is GOD who holds my future, who determines my life and who allows turbulent winds to come. Even when storms are raging and winds are blowing, God protects His own...He is in control and in HIM there is no failure. What's the moral here, we have to learn to TRUST HIM when we can't trace Him especially during tough times. The other lesson here is that GOD IS IN CONTROL...we can only manipulate so much...He is the only sovereign Lord.
Lending my voice,
Lady J
So, yesterday I had a life altering experience and I decided to share. Saturday I flew into Detroit to sing at a wedding and came right back the next day to close the Wiz. Anyone who knows me intimately knows that while I love traveling, I don't like flying. Flying is just not my cup of tea and I do it because I have too. At any rate, when I fly I literally pray over the plane, the pilots and the flight attendants. Upon entering/boarding the plane, I lay BOTH hands on the plane to dispatch my angels. Yes, I do it...don't laugh at me! Being 10,000+ feet in the high is NO joke and I value my life. Anyway, I've had bad flights in my day BUT yesterday was the WORST FLIGHT ever. Not sure if you are familiar with the movie "Flight" with Denzel Washington, well it was a great movie and yesterday, can I say the turbulence was SO bad that I really thought the plane was going to crash. People began to holler on the plane, a couple in front of me begin to cuddle and I began to pray. In the midst of all of this, the pilot commands the flight attendants to return to their seats immediately and not to get up until further notice - mind you the flight from Detroit to Baltimore is a little over an hour. In the midst of this heavy turbulence, I hit my head as I had a window seat and several people began to vomit much like the movie Flight. As I begin to pray, I told the Lord, "look I have purpose on my life and this is not how I expected my end to look". I heard a quiet voice say, "this is not the way in which your life will end so, relax." WHAT!?! Relax, when I am 10,000+ feet in the air and we are dropping several thousand feet at a time... Long story short, the flight attendants were never able to serve us because we had turbulence the entire time...horrible flight.
What is the point of sharing? I believe I learning something about how God holds us while in tumultuous seasons and times. God never promised us that the road would be easy. As a matter of fact, He lets us know that MANY are the afflictions of the righteous BUT He delivers us out of them all. You see, I'm a resourceful purpose. In other words, I'm a producer and I know HOW to make things happen particularly when times are rough and I am faced with a challenge. One of my favorite saying is, "Where there's a will, there's a way" and I firmly believe that BUT there are times when we cannot do anything about the trouble we face. Yesterday I faced trouble far beyond my control and anyone else for that matter. The scripture says God holds (Psalms 139:10) us in HIS hands...For when we are in the hands of the Lord, NO ENEMY can dare pluck us out...while HE may try, he won't succeed. I'm grateful because talking with my sister helped me realize this truth and perhaps the only way the Lord could get ME to learn THAT lesson was to allow yesterday to happen.
It is clear to me now, it is GOD who holds my future, who determines my life and who allows turbulent winds to come. Even when storms are raging and winds are blowing, God protects His own...He is in control and in HIM there is no failure. What's the moral here, we have to learn to TRUST HIM when we can't trace Him especially during tough times. The other lesson here is that GOD IS IN CONTROL...we can only manipulate so much...He is the only sovereign Lord.
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Sunday, May 19, 2013
SMILE...
So, today is my birthday and I woke up inspired to write. Yesterday, I was just sharing about how cathartic it is for me to write. I woke up inspired to share my story and I woke up realizing one of the greatest assets I have to offer is my smile. There are those who say I smile TOO much and then there are those who anticipate a smile from me. Generally, I keep a smile on my face but lately, the enemy of my soul has tried to robbed me of one of my greatest assets...my smile. Here's a little poetic piece I decided to write today...
Last night, I had an interesting conversation with a gentleman who came to see "the Wiz" and he complimented me on my personality/smile. I smiled and say thank you. He proceeded to say, "you seem to have this innate ability to make people laugh." I nodded and agreed but then I begin to tell him the truth "there were many days I did not smile, I could not smile and once I allowed myself to be free in the arms of God, I've been smiling ever since." My smile is indeed one of the greatest assets and contributions I could ever offer and even when I do have moments of despair, I strive to muster up a smile. Why? Because a smile, YOUR smile has the innate power to DISMISS, to ANNIHILATE and DESTROY the plot of your enemy. Think about it. It makes people very uncomfortable when you break out into a smile. The last two weeks for me have been inundated with challenges designed to ROB me of my smile. HA! However, today I woke up....I snapped out of it and remembered "girl, you were born for such a time as this and no matter, show those pearly whites and SMILE!" So, today as I approach a new day (my birthday), I am reminded to KEEP SMILING...
The pain will not last always and the trouble will soon pass....smile because your new day is here! Look outside, it's raining, it's pouring and your moment of refreshing is NOW! So, SMILE....
Until next time....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Life for my ain't been no crystal stair and for many, many years a frown is what I'd often wear.
Depressed and weighed down by what others say
Drowning in their opinions, nothing but judgment and heresay
Trials and disappointments diabolically sent to take me off course
Yet for a second, I'm derailed because I forgot God was my source
But today, I woke up, rain all around
Cloudy, seemingly dreary BUT I suddenly begin to SMILE.
I smile because I understand my day has arrived
No more waiting but anticipating the harvest - it's my time.
Keep on smiling, never let anything rob you of your joy
Turn that frown upside down and for THIS robs the enemy of his ploy
Last night, I had an interesting conversation with a gentleman who came to see "the Wiz" and he complimented me on my personality/smile. I smiled and say thank you. He proceeded to say, "you seem to have this innate ability to make people laugh." I nodded and agreed but then I begin to tell him the truth "there were many days I did not smile, I could not smile and once I allowed myself to be free in the arms of God, I've been smiling ever since." My smile is indeed one of the greatest assets and contributions I could ever offer and even when I do have moments of despair, I strive to muster up a smile. Why? Because a smile, YOUR smile has the innate power to DISMISS, to ANNIHILATE and DESTROY the plot of your enemy. Think about it. It makes people very uncomfortable when you break out into a smile. The last two weeks for me have been inundated with challenges designed to ROB me of my smile. HA! However, today I woke up....I snapped out of it and remembered "girl, you were born for such a time as this and no matter, show those pearly whites and SMILE!" So, today as I approach a new day (my birthday), I am reminded to KEEP SMILING...
The pain will not last always and the trouble will soon pass....smile because your new day is here! Look outside, it's raining, it's pouring and your moment of refreshing is NOW! So, SMILE....
Until next time....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Blemished but Flawless
Good morning, family!
I started this blog over a year ago while I was on tour and now I finally feel like it's time to release it so here it goes....
10/19/2011
After a day filled with intense rehearsal and arduous coursework, It's 3:34am and I am still awake. I can't sleep, so I decided to write. There is something very therapeutic about writing your thoughts and expressing yourself on paper.
Right now, I am in FL rehearsing for Menopause the Musical in Concert Tour and I've had a lot of time to think. Making the decision to accept this job wasn't an easy one but I do believe it was a God-ordained opportunity. As such, I'm here and we will see where this journey takes us...
After I showered and began to prepare for bed this evening, I stopped to look at myself in the mirror. Glaring back at me was something quite embarrassing and bothersome. I began to examine, my flawed-blemished skin as I have many, many times before. I begin to reflect on how many medications I have received to treat my "flawed skin" and how none of them have seemed to work. My most recent visit to the dermatologist was so depressing that I decided not to return. Not only was I humiliated but the doctor was so rude and insensitive that I vowed to never go back. This original post was over a year ago....
FAST FORWARD TO NOW.....
2/5/2013
Skin care is important to most women and when you work in entertainment it is critical!! Well, beautiful skin has been a fair weathered friend, something I've longed to achieve. My skin now is the worst it's ever been!! :-( As a teen, I remember being so insecure about my skin....I felt people where just living for the moments to point out the flawed areas of my skin. While people would always compliment my teeth and my smile, I always knew people paid attention to my skin. For many years, I struggled with accepting the fact that I was beautiful after all my skin was blemished full of acne...and I had a huge birthmark on my neck....ugh!! The moment I decided to pursue entertainment, I kept hearing "you will never make it because you are not pretty enough plus you're fat!" One day I heard God speak to my heart and He challenged me to go outside without make up.,.,what?! Are you serious??? No!! I have to cover up everything! He challenged me once again and said "what are you covering up?? What do you have to hide? I love just the way you are and I want you to love yourself unconditionally." You see, everything that God created was good, He saw it was good because it ultimately is an extension of Him. So that day I refused to put on makeup - I mean no make up!! I felt extremely vulnerable and embarrassed but at the same time I was freed!!! Freedom is becoming my portion in this area of my life and for the first time, I refused to hide from myself. He reminded me of our conversation back in Florida, October 2011. I saw myself just for who I was and although my skin wasn't perfect, there was something perfect about me just being me. He didn't make a mistake...the Sovereign Lord does all things well! He wanted me to be assured that there was something just right about Jesaira and I should not desire to change it but rather commit to embracing me even in my imperfections... (Next time you see me, please don't stare at my face to view my flaws....that's just plain rude).
Whats my point?? Well, I still struggle to this day to have perfect skin but I've learned to love me in spite of it all because external things don't define me exclusively. There's more to me than my skin. Just like I am not my hair....I am not this skin either...I'm not your expectation-nope! I am the soul that lives within!! I'm learning to embrace me with every idiosyncrasy and deficiency; and although I'm blemished in many ways, I'm flawless before my Creator!! And so are you my friends!! He alone has the ability to fix the flawed, blemished areas of the heart, the soul. Our responsibility is to love ourselves unconditionally...why? If God can invest Himself in us and give of Himself...why can't I accept this truth and abide in peace. Yea, I'm blemished but in His presence I'm flawless, wonderfully and fearfully made. I am beautiful AND so are YOU!!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
I started this blog over a year ago while I was on tour and now I finally feel like it's time to release it so here it goes....
10/19/2011
After a day filled with intense rehearsal and arduous coursework, It's 3:34am and I am still awake. I can't sleep, so I decided to write. There is something very therapeutic about writing your thoughts and expressing yourself on paper.
Right now, I am in FL rehearsing for Menopause the Musical in Concert Tour and I've had a lot of time to think. Making the decision to accept this job wasn't an easy one but I do believe it was a God-ordained opportunity. As such, I'm here and we will see where this journey takes us...
After I showered and began to prepare for bed this evening, I stopped to look at myself in the mirror. Glaring back at me was something quite embarrassing and bothersome. I began to examine, my flawed-blemished skin as I have many, many times before. I begin to reflect on how many medications I have received to treat my "flawed skin" and how none of them have seemed to work. My most recent visit to the dermatologist was so depressing that I decided not to return. Not only was I humiliated but the doctor was so rude and insensitive that I vowed to never go back. This original post was over a year ago....
FAST FORWARD TO NOW.....
2/5/2013
Skin care is important to most women and when you work in entertainment it is critical!! Well, beautiful skin has been a fair weathered friend, something I've longed to achieve. My skin now is the worst it's ever been!! :-( As a teen, I remember being so insecure about my skin....I felt people where just living for the moments to point out the flawed areas of my skin. While people would always compliment my teeth and my smile, I always knew people paid attention to my skin. For many years, I struggled with accepting the fact that I was beautiful after all my skin was blemished full of acne...and I had a huge birthmark on my neck....ugh!! The moment I decided to pursue entertainment, I kept hearing "you will never make it because you are not pretty enough plus you're fat!" One day I heard God speak to my heart and He challenged me to go outside without make up.,.,what?! Are you serious??? No!! I have to cover up everything! He challenged me once again and said "what are you covering up?? What do you have to hide? I love just the way you are and I want you to love yourself unconditionally." You see, everything that God created was good, He saw it was good because it ultimately is an extension of Him. So that day I refused to put on makeup - I mean no make up!! I felt extremely vulnerable and embarrassed but at the same time I was freed!!! Freedom is becoming my portion in this area of my life and for the first time, I refused to hide from myself. He reminded me of our conversation back in Florida, October 2011. I saw myself just for who I was and although my skin wasn't perfect, there was something perfect about me just being me. He didn't make a mistake...the Sovereign Lord does all things well! He wanted me to be assured that there was something just right about Jesaira and I should not desire to change it but rather commit to embracing me even in my imperfections... (Next time you see me, please don't stare at my face to view my flaws....that's just plain rude).
Whats my point?? Well, I still struggle to this day to have perfect skin but I've learned to love me in spite of it all because external things don't define me exclusively. There's more to me than my skin. Just like I am not my hair....I am not this skin either...I'm not your expectation-nope! I am the soul that lives within!! I'm learning to embrace me with every idiosyncrasy and deficiency; and although I'm blemished in many ways, I'm flawless before my Creator!! And so are you my friends!! He alone has the ability to fix the flawed, blemished areas of the heart, the soul. Our responsibility is to love ourselves unconditionally...why? If God can invest Himself in us and give of Himself...why can't I accept this truth and abide in peace. Yea, I'm blemished but in His presence I'm flawless, wonderfully and fearfully made. I am beautiful AND so are YOU!!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Ease on Down the Road
Hey family,
The other day I mentioned to a friend of mine that as I approach 40 (yes, I will be forty years old next year), my perspective on life is shifting. As a younger person, I remember living to please others, needing their validation/approval. Now, I am at a point in my life, where the opinions of others do not mean as much. I'm learning how to be comfortable in my skin, after all life is short and the end of the day, I want to be proud of the life I chose live. So, the other day while I was shopping at Columbia Mall (I was reviewing music in my head from the Wiz) and it HIT me. It's like the light bulb came on! I began to reflect on the lyrics of the song: "Com'on ease on down, ease on down the road...don't you carry NOTHING that might be a load." FREEDOM!!! It was in that moment, I purposed to ease on down the road...no more struggling, no more contention but I would force myself to do things in ease - freedom from labor or pain! No MORE DIS-EASE! There is a road with my name on it, with your name on it and it is a path purposed for you. Despite whatever obstacles or obstructions you are facing, you can ease on down the road dumping everything that will hinder you! Who would have thought that the lyrics of a song from a musical could offer so much life?? Join me why don't you....EASE ON DOWN THE ROAD!!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
It's a good time to be alive! Today, I woke up pondering all of the blessings God has bestowed upon my life and I am grateful. Many doors are opening while simultaneously many are shutting. However, I am convinces this is a GREAT time to be alive. The last few days I have been inudated with many projects and new opportunities; much to my amazement things are faring well! Despite my tendency to be a perfectionist, I am learning to ENJOY this process...
The other day I mentioned to a friend of mine that as I approach 40 (yes, I will be forty years old next year), my perspective on life is shifting. As a younger person, I remember living to please others, needing their validation/approval. Now, I am at a point in my life, where the opinions of others do not mean as much. I'm learning how to be comfortable in my skin, after all life is short and the end of the day, I want to be proud of the life I chose live. So, the other day while I was shopping at Columbia Mall (I was reviewing music in my head from the Wiz) and it HIT me. It's like the light bulb came on! I began to reflect on the lyrics of the song: "Com'on ease on down, ease on down the road...don't you carry NOTHING that might be a load." FREEDOM!!! It was in that moment, I purposed to ease on down the road...no more struggling, no more contention but I would force myself to do things in ease - freedom from labor or pain! No MORE DIS-EASE! There is a road with my name on it, with your name on it and it is a path purposed for you. Despite whatever obstacles or obstructions you are facing, you can ease on down the road dumping everything that will hinder you! Who would have thought that the lyrics of a song from a musical could offer so much life?? Join me why don't you....EASE ON DOWN THE ROAD!!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Friday, January 18, 2013
The Obscure Beginnings of a Great Movement
Good morning family,
As I stated in my last post, I made a commitment this year to blog at least once a week. So, here it goes...
"Every process has a beginning and end. Your beginning serves a great purpose"
The events leading up to the night of the showcase that would change my life forever were accompanied by feelings of anger, hurt and pain. I've often heard people use the analogy of "giving birth" when it comes to the visible manifestation of a dream or personal aspiration. The reality is this, I haven't given birth, but if the pain and labor I encountered is anything like what some of my sisters who are mothers have endured, I applaud your strength and endurance. Certainly, I don't speak in terms of physical pain but rather the intense emotional hurt and pain from such undertaking. One of the reasons, I waited so long to pen or publish my thoughts about my event is because of my intense desire to "protect" the innocent. As I write, I am careful to not to offend but rather share my story...my account or perspective of things that have directly impacted me because I am convinced people need to know they are not alone. No man is an island, no man stands alone. Hence, my intent is to release hope and strength to those in need. Certainly, I could write for entertainment purposes but I figure there is enough out there and now we have, Real Husbands of Hollywood...LOL!! Nonetheless, I choose to be a beacon of light and endurance.
It is true: obscure places can bring about great things in your life. My dream was birthed on the back of obscurity... As a child, I struggled tremendously with rejection especially among my peers and the need for this validation unfortunately found itself in my adulthood. It took on various manifestations and became less detectable as journeyed through... From extreme behavior such as wanting to be liked by everyone to being determined to be different. These extreme behavioral patterns are key indicators that something is lacking and that I was vying for attention. Much of my life, I turned to spirituality as certainly God was the only one who understood isolating myself from others - creating an even greater force field of rejection.
I was never completely certain about WHO I was as an artist/singer. I grew up exposed to Gospel music only and I have a strong musical background. Most of my family sings. However, I was the "least" of these. I remember getting so nervous when people would call me to sing that I would vomit before and after. I remember feelings of being light headed while on stage and lastly, how can I forget burping in the mic because of nerves. You see, I never thought I would sing. Although, I had been singing all the time, I didn't think I had much to offer because I didn't do ten thousand riffs like Kim Burrell or Darryl Coley. Plus, I wasn't convinced I had the capacity to really singing. Unfortunately, singing in the church became a laborious thing for me because I didn't measure up...I didn't make the cut. After all, my singing voice was mediocre. You see, I was told at a very tender age, that I was a mediocre singer and these words never left my mind. People, it's very important to remember just how powerful our words are especially when we are speaking to our children. I was a child and basically, my interpretation of that statement was that I didn't have the goods nor talent to sing at all. Those words left an indelible impression which planted seeds of doubt and fear - uncertainty. I would hear these words being echoed throughout my life as I was called upon to sing at church, school and special events. "You are average, just mediocre." Yet, this is a direct contradiction to what God says because the Bible says everything He made was good. In the eyes of my heavenly Father, He views my gift as extraordinary after all, I am an extension of Him! Funny thing is, He feels the same way about YOU! You are unique and special! Nobody can beat YOU at being YOU! Hear me, I'm not suggesting that we lie to people. There is a proper way (sensitivity to timing) to speak truth and most of us fail in this department rending our victims hopeless and without joy.
All the while what I fail to understand was this obscure place in my life was breeding ground to morph into something great, a great movement. Later, I discovered I was more than a singer, I was a voice - a creative artist and there is no one like me. I've been uniquely designed with greatness in mind...but it is not my doing, it is the hand of an awesome God. It is to Him, I render and give back my talents and ability. My obscurity was prime opportunity and while people around me rejected the unique gift, God was preparing me all the time for a special moment. He brought clarity and helped me understand that I was more than a gospel singer (trust me, I love the genre). He showed me the intent of my heart: to inspire and to give love; as such He uses me in any genre. My calling extents beyond the corridors of traditionalism and religion. Perhaps, this is why things were so obscure for me and for so long; however, this is a new paradigm, it's one that I've seen very few people set. I'm blazing a trail Purposed for me and this is why I had to put together a showcase. It wasn't just for mere entertainment alone...it was about finally come out of this murky and ambiguous place to publicly declare: I was born to defy gravity. I was born to exceed your expectations. I was to be a voice in the earth and my artistic expression is worship that I offer back to my Creator. As I perceive who He has destined me to be, my awareness is heightened and I'm provoked to endure; weakening the power of people's opinion and expectation of me ( those things become less important). I set my limits according to God's plan for my life and the sky is the limited!
The days leading up to a "Classy Evening with Lady Jesaira" were designed to push me in a corner, to silence my voice and to hinder the birthing of a great movement. However, I made a conscious decision to forgive, to pursue and to reject the words uttered to me during my youth. I chose to rise above it and to stay the course. A dear loved one nearly cursed me two days before my event and I held the phone determined to fight the tears, determined not be lured back into an unhealthy state. I used this disappointment, this pain as fuel to soar and I encourage you to do the same. The pursuit of purpose is not an easy one, perhaps finding your place is even harder but embrace the obscure seasons in your life because these humble beginnings translate into great movements if you allow them too. Channel your disappointments, choose to view them differently. There are some people who must walk away...let them. God will bring the right people into your life at the right time. I'm sure if you asked any person of great influence and impact, they will agree. It is the murky places of your heart and your soul that creates wonderful soil to manifest a harvest. Despise not your small beginnings, despise not the rejection you encountered, despise not the doors that were closed, despise not the people who left and despise not your own personal insecurities... I urge you, let these moments become a bridge-way to a great movement!
So, what's next? I'm planning an evening of Jazz and Neo Soul in May 2013 -"Lady Jesaira and Friends". Additionally, I'm going to record and release my first EP this year - "The Journey of Love". I'm excited and nervous but things are coming together. God is yet blowing my mind. More details to come...
Stay the course!
Until next time...lending my voice,
Lady J
As I stated in my last post, I made a commitment this year to blog at least once a week. So, here it goes...
"Every process has a beginning and end. Your beginning serves a great purpose"
The events leading up to the night of the showcase that would change my life forever were accompanied by feelings of anger, hurt and pain. I've often heard people use the analogy of "giving birth" when it comes to the visible manifestation of a dream or personal aspiration. The reality is this, I haven't given birth, but if the pain and labor I encountered is anything like what some of my sisters who are mothers have endured, I applaud your strength and endurance. Certainly, I don't speak in terms of physical pain but rather the intense emotional hurt and pain from such undertaking. One of the reasons, I waited so long to pen or publish my thoughts about my event is because of my intense desire to "protect" the innocent. As I write, I am careful to not to offend but rather share my story...my account or perspective of things that have directly impacted me because I am convinced people need to know they are not alone. No man is an island, no man stands alone. Hence, my intent is to release hope and strength to those in need. Certainly, I could write for entertainment purposes but I figure there is enough out there and now we have, Real Husbands of Hollywood...LOL!! Nonetheless, I choose to be a beacon of light and endurance.
It is true: obscure places can bring about great things in your life. My dream was birthed on the back of obscurity... As a child, I struggled tremendously with rejection especially among my peers and the need for this validation unfortunately found itself in my adulthood. It took on various manifestations and became less detectable as journeyed through... From extreme behavior such as wanting to be liked by everyone to being determined to be different. These extreme behavioral patterns are key indicators that something is lacking and that I was vying for attention. Much of my life, I turned to spirituality as certainly God was the only one who understood isolating myself from others - creating an even greater force field of rejection.
I was never completely certain about WHO I was as an artist/singer. I grew up exposed to Gospel music only and I have a strong musical background. Most of my family sings. However, I was the "least" of these. I remember getting so nervous when people would call me to sing that I would vomit before and after. I remember feelings of being light headed while on stage and lastly, how can I forget burping in the mic because of nerves. You see, I never thought I would sing. Although, I had been singing all the time, I didn't think I had much to offer because I didn't do ten thousand riffs like Kim Burrell or Darryl Coley. Plus, I wasn't convinced I had the capacity to really singing. Unfortunately, singing in the church became a laborious thing for me because I didn't measure up...I didn't make the cut. After all, my singing voice was mediocre. You see, I was told at a very tender age, that I was a mediocre singer and these words never left my mind. People, it's very important to remember just how powerful our words are especially when we are speaking to our children. I was a child and basically, my interpretation of that statement was that I didn't have the goods nor talent to sing at all. Those words left an indelible impression which planted seeds of doubt and fear - uncertainty. I would hear these words being echoed throughout my life as I was called upon to sing at church, school and special events. "You are average, just mediocre." Yet, this is a direct contradiction to what God says because the Bible says everything He made was good. In the eyes of my heavenly Father, He views my gift as extraordinary after all, I am an extension of Him! Funny thing is, He feels the same way about YOU! You are unique and special! Nobody can beat YOU at being YOU! Hear me, I'm not suggesting that we lie to people. There is a proper way (sensitivity to timing) to speak truth and most of us fail in this department rending our victims hopeless and without joy.
All the while what I fail to understand was this obscure place in my life was breeding ground to morph into something great, a great movement. Later, I discovered I was more than a singer, I was a voice - a creative artist and there is no one like me. I've been uniquely designed with greatness in mind...but it is not my doing, it is the hand of an awesome God. It is to Him, I render and give back my talents and ability. My obscurity was prime opportunity and while people around me rejected the unique gift, God was preparing me all the time for a special moment. He brought clarity and helped me understand that I was more than a gospel singer (trust me, I love the genre). He showed me the intent of my heart: to inspire and to give love; as such He uses me in any genre. My calling extents beyond the corridors of traditionalism and religion. Perhaps, this is why things were so obscure for me and for so long; however, this is a new paradigm, it's one that I've seen very few people set. I'm blazing a trail Purposed for me and this is why I had to put together a showcase. It wasn't just for mere entertainment alone...it was about finally come out of this murky and ambiguous place to publicly declare: I was born to defy gravity. I was born to exceed your expectations. I was to be a voice in the earth and my artistic expression is worship that I offer back to my Creator. As I perceive who He has destined me to be, my awareness is heightened and I'm provoked to endure; weakening the power of people's opinion and expectation of me ( those things become less important). I set my limits according to God's plan for my life and the sky is the limited!
The days leading up to a "Classy Evening with Lady Jesaira" were designed to push me in a corner, to silence my voice and to hinder the birthing of a great movement. However, I made a conscious decision to forgive, to pursue and to reject the words uttered to me during my youth. I chose to rise above it and to stay the course. A dear loved one nearly cursed me two days before my event and I held the phone determined to fight the tears, determined not be lured back into an unhealthy state. I used this disappointment, this pain as fuel to soar and I encourage you to do the same. The pursuit of purpose is not an easy one, perhaps finding your place is even harder but embrace the obscure seasons in your life because these humble beginnings translate into great movements if you allow them too. Channel your disappointments, choose to view them differently. There are some people who must walk away...let them. God will bring the right people into your life at the right time. I'm sure if you asked any person of great influence and impact, they will agree. It is the murky places of your heart and your soul that creates wonderful soil to manifest a harvest. Despise not your small beginnings, despise not the rejection you encountered, despise not the doors that were closed, despise not the people who left and despise not your own personal insecurities... I urge you, let these moments become a bridge-way to a great movement!
So, what's next? I'm planning an evening of Jazz and Neo Soul in May 2013 -"Lady Jesaira and Friends". Additionally, I'm going to record and release my first EP this year - "The Journey of Love". I'm excited and nervous but things are coming together. God is yet blowing my mind. More details to come...
Stay the course!
Until next time...lending my voice,
Lady J
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Hey there!
Hello friends!
It's a NEW YEAR and I have yet to write...well, I'm making a commitment to post once a week. :-)
So much transpired since my last post. I had my first showcase and it was a tremendous success; although, I would be lying if I said it didn't come at a tremendous cost. I lost a dear friendship and I don't think it will be repaired. Additionally, I experienced major disappointment at the hands of family members. However, I was determined to complete the project and I'm proud to announce: IT IS FINISHED. Many of the lessons I learned from the experience cannot be recounted in one post...it will take several other to express the growth I encountered by taking on such an august task.
Today, I was reminded of the need to consistently use my "voice" in this forum as an opportunity to share my story. It is my hope and desire that someone else will experience renewed strength as they read about my real life encounters. It is true: the testimony of ONE can save the lives of many...
It's a NEW YEAR and I have yet to write...well, I'm making a commitment to post once a week. :-)
So much transpired since my last post. I had my first showcase and it was a tremendous success; although, I would be lying if I said it didn't come at a tremendous cost. I lost a dear friendship and I don't think it will be repaired. Additionally, I experienced major disappointment at the hands of family members. However, I was determined to complete the project and I'm proud to announce: IT IS FINISHED. Many of the lessons I learned from the experience cannot be recounted in one post...it will take several other to express the growth I encountered by taking on such an august task.
Today, I was reminded of the need to consistently use my "voice" in this forum as an opportunity to share my story. It is my hope and desire that someone else will experience renewed strength as they read about my real life encounters. It is true: the testimony of ONE can save the lives of many...
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Defying Gravity
As I approach one of the biggest fulfillment's in my life, I face a brick wall. After several months of preparation and planning for my first showcase, I am struggling with seeing the vision. For the last several nights, I have not slept well, I'm tossing and turning wondering, wishing and hoping. I've gained a few pounds and thought to myself, "Wow, really Jesaira. How did you get back here?" My soul is in turmoil because the vision looks blurry and those who I thought would support and believe, haven't. Can I be very honest?? Sure, I can...it's my blog... pursuing your GOD given dream is NOT easy and it's not a journey for punks. This journey towards what God said has been costly and extremely lonely. Not many people understand, nor seek to understand the plight. It is much easier to sit back and passively allow life and opportunities to pass you by. I'm doing this showcase because my Creator, God inspired me to do such....He encouraged me to soar like an eagle, to defy the limitations and opinions of people and to be ALL He has created me to be. Well, I've had an epiphany (call it naivety) but I now I realize there are some people around who are not necessarily fond of what God has for you...some people call them haters, others call them blockers and since this is new to me, I call them misinformed. I am reminded of my ongoing struggle - my human deficiency to still desire the acceptance and approval of my peers/colleagues. Oh well, help Jesus! Back to my point, only those who are misinformed and removed from their own personal dreams, would discourage others who dream. This mentality is an open door to ignorance and I would prefer to say ignorance versus someone hating on me. Often, the things we don't understand, we mishandle. And this experience is teaching me that many people mishandle what they see because they don't understand, they are misinformed. Additionally, this journey is teaching that everyone is not meant to understand your plight; as such, the focus should not be on trying to get those aboard who don't understand or who don't see it. Rather, it's more advantageous for me to spend time, investing in the assignment, the charge God has given me to be a creative being and to be a source of hope for others. In doing so, God will fund my dreams and take charge of the rest and will send the support - the people He desires to be in my space during this crucial time of delivery.
So, as I seriously contemplate Nov. 3rd - whether or not to proceed, I am reminded of what initiated all of this....the words from a song that God spoke to my heart..."Jesaira, I created you to DEFY GRAVITY. To soar beyond the expectations and opinions of others. You are a VOICE, a voice designed to impact many. Use your voice to make a difference." Recently, a friend of mine said, "minimize, devalue the opinions of others and maximize God's opinion more."
Several months back, I received an email from Tyler Perry;s office (standard email blasts) and he shared his story...he had absolutely nothing and many didn't believe in him. Now, he is the highest paid actor in Hollywood, making $139 million dollars last year. Not bad Tyler. Although, he receives many criticisms from people in the industry (another story for another day), I admire ANYONE who goes from nothing to something great because of their personal dream and vision. After the dream, it is very important to visualize what you have dreamed about and I believe Tyler did that...he was relentless in his pursuit and he was determined despite what he saw with his natural eye to manifest the dream. Tyler tapped into the plan of God which caused his faith to be activated; suddenly, Tyler began to see with his spiritual eyes. Now I feel and sense the presence of God asking me as He did Jeremiah, "What do you see?". Well, my honest response is I don't know but I realize the gifts and the talents I have are not my own; therefore, God has the august responsibility to take care of HIS own. So, it shall be according to my faith...Lord, I believe....
I will wait upon you, Lord and YOU shall renew my strength. You have anointed me and therefore, I will mount up on wings as an EAGLE, to run and not grow weary, to walk and NEVER faint, Isaiah 40:31 and it is with these words, I am encouraged to take flight, fly, soar and DEFY GRAVITY.
Lending my voice,
Lady Jesaira
So, as I seriously contemplate Nov. 3rd - whether or not to proceed, I am reminded of what initiated all of this....the words from a song that God spoke to my heart..."Jesaira, I created you to DEFY GRAVITY. To soar beyond the expectations and opinions of others. You are a VOICE, a voice designed to impact many. Use your voice to make a difference." Recently, a friend of mine said, "minimize, devalue the opinions of others and maximize God's opinion more."
Several months back, I received an email from Tyler Perry;s office (standard email blasts) and he shared his story...he had absolutely nothing and many didn't believe in him. Now, he is the highest paid actor in Hollywood, making $139 million dollars last year. Not bad Tyler. Although, he receives many criticisms from people in the industry (another story for another day), I admire ANYONE who goes from nothing to something great because of their personal dream and vision. After the dream, it is very important to visualize what you have dreamed about and I believe Tyler did that...he was relentless in his pursuit and he was determined despite what he saw with his natural eye to manifest the dream. Tyler tapped into the plan of God which caused his faith to be activated; suddenly, Tyler began to see with his spiritual eyes. Now I feel and sense the presence of God asking me as He did Jeremiah, "What do you see?". Well, my honest response is I don't know but I realize the gifts and the talents I have are not my own; therefore, God has the august responsibility to take care of HIS own. So, it shall be according to my faith...Lord, I believe....
I will wait upon you, Lord and YOU shall renew my strength. You have anointed me and therefore, I will mount up on wings as an EAGLE, to run and not grow weary, to walk and NEVER faint, Isaiah 40:31 and it is with these words, I am encouraged to take flight, fly, soar and DEFY GRAVITY.
Defying Gravity (from the musical Wicked)
Something has changed within me...
Something is not the same...
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep...
It's time to TRUST my INSTINCTS, close my eyes
And LEAP...
It's time to try defying gravity,
I think I'll try defying gravity
And You can't hold me down....
Lending my voice,
Lady Jesaira
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Growing Pains
A lot has happened and transpired over the last few months...too much to chronicle at this time but I wrote a poem today to kind of sum up where I am and I wanted to share it with you....
GROWING PAINS
Measured by the yard stick, growth spurt seems normal
Yet the winds of life – the ebbs and the flows stunt what I feel
Throbbing, excruciating pain overwhelming my knees, legs and back of my thighs
With each step, the more intense it becomes, weighty and not disguised
Water rises, heart races and then sudden defeat
Years gone by and time awastin’, growth has ceased
Or has it really…could it just be
Growing pains expanding my stride?
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
GO WITH THE FLOW...
A friend of mine posted on her FB page her desire to listen to IndiaAire and I believe her post was the motivation behind this blog entry... India Aire wrote a song that has a tag/vamp: "Go with the FLOW"
SO.....
Trust the process because the Creator knows the end from the beginning. For my single ladies... if you desire marriage...just wait...trust and believe it will happen. If you desire to succeed in your career...do what you know to do BUT after that REST and trust the FLOW! Whatever your desire is...God knows it, the UNIVERSE is aware of it...however, trust the SOURCE...trust God the Father to work it out and JUST GO WITH THE FLOW as India Aire so eloquently coined the phase.
Lending My Voice,
Lady J
Friday, July 6, 2012
FIT just for Him
Hey everyone!
It's been awhile since I have blogged, yet, a lot has happened and changed in my life.
I'm learning a very valuable lesson about love. Love is not always convenient, many times it isn't. But it is the test of our love that really marks our level of maturation. Maturation and acceptance of others is ultimately a result of self love and acceptance. As such, I feel it necessary to expose some vulnerable areas in my life that perhaps will bless or help encourage others. So, lately, I've been struggling with insecurity and the need for validation; as such, I have put back on some pounds that I released...Folks, weight loss is connected to much more than FOOD...believe that!! I'm not afraid to expose me because I have absolutely nothing to lose...I am not perfect, like everyone else I'm a work in progress. But I recognize the pursuit of purpose and destiny fills a void....without purpose, my heart feels void and no matter who or what I turn too, it is incapable of meeting my need. As much as I've prided myself on being an independent thinker and self reliant, I realize there's some ways in my heart which require cleansing. Recently, I've returned back to understanding that I'm absolutely nothing without Christ. I am not self-sufficient at all; as a matter of fact, God is the SOURCE of all of my strength and sometimes, we get in the way of our progression becoming our own biggest enemy. My security and validation is wrapped up in the ONE who created me and knows all there is to know about me; as I pursue Him, my life becomes complete and my insecurities dissipate...
Just wanna encourage you to believe in yourself...but first believe in the ONE who created you. No matter what, He knows what you need and He knows how to make it happen for you. Last night, I attended a church service and the preacher inspired me to stay on the path I believe God has purposed for me. I don't have to announce who I am anymore because my works will precede me...Also, I don't have to push my way. Lastly, I'm learning that I am not meant for every circle...some circles are just not for me and guess what it's okay. Sometimes, I was born and raised in the church but I despise religion. I believe in personal relationship with Christ and I believe Christ impacts my life and makes the difference. My way of thinking is unconventional to many and I realize going against the grain isn't popular; many times it is frowned upon. I'm realizing more and more God made me uniquely. Sometimes, peer pressure will make you feel bad about who you are but I realize I'm different. Different is good and I realize my uniqueness is a great offering. It's a uniqueness that bridges the gap and brings different types of people together. I feel like I'm been given the unique ability to see good in most people and I strive embrace people right where they are. Well, this isn't popular...many times we cast judgement and lack the empathy necessary to be a blessing to others. People are drawn to authenticity and our love, bottom line. I empathize with others because I am in touch with my idiosyncrasies and shortcomings. I AM NOT PERFECT!
I've never been one to conform or look to others for answers... This is good to some extent and in another sense not so good but God is teaching me how to discern when I'm being difficult and need to comply. Compliance isn't always a bad thing...once more, I am learning it is not necessary to announce myself...I'm letting my works speak. Basically, I guess what I'm saying life is reminding me of the need to let God be my source of security and validation. His love for me is perfect and it doesn't waver. While I may look for love in the wrong places and in imbalanced relationships, He facilitates and meets all of my needs! EVERY NEED - emotional, physical, spiritual, relational and psychological. I don't have to "FIT" in...as long as I realize I'm "FIT" enough for Him that's all that matters. Just wanna encourage you in the same manner. When you stop trying to fit in and just be, God will bring the right people, the right relationships and the right opportunities to you. I'm determined to stay on track with my weight loss and exercise regimen. I'm FIT because HE accepts me just as I am and SO are you! What He created is good and He doesn't make mistakes. People may improperly assess who you are but it's okay because you are FIT enough...there is a strategic place for both you and I in the Earth and God will use man to help us but our security will come as we accept who He has made us to be! It's gravy, baby....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
It's been awhile since I have blogged, yet, a lot has happened and changed in my life.
I'm learning a very valuable lesson about love. Love is not always convenient, many times it isn't. But it is the test of our love that really marks our level of maturation. Maturation and acceptance of others is ultimately a result of self love and acceptance. As such, I feel it necessary to expose some vulnerable areas in my life that perhaps will bless or help encourage others. So, lately, I've been struggling with insecurity and the need for validation; as such, I have put back on some pounds that I released...Folks, weight loss is connected to much more than FOOD...believe that!! I'm not afraid to expose me because I have absolutely nothing to lose...I am not perfect, like everyone else I'm a work in progress. But I recognize the pursuit of purpose and destiny fills a void....without purpose, my heart feels void and no matter who or what I turn too, it is incapable of meeting my need. As much as I've prided myself on being an independent thinker and self reliant, I realize there's some ways in my heart which require cleansing. Recently, I've returned back to understanding that I'm absolutely nothing without Christ. I am not self-sufficient at all; as a matter of fact, God is the SOURCE of all of my strength and sometimes, we get in the way of our progression becoming our own biggest enemy. My security and validation is wrapped up in the ONE who created me and knows all there is to know about me; as I pursue Him, my life becomes complete and my insecurities dissipate...
Just wanna encourage you to believe in yourself...but first believe in the ONE who created you. No matter what, He knows what you need and He knows how to make it happen for you. Last night, I attended a church service and the preacher inspired me to stay on the path I believe God has purposed for me. I don't have to announce who I am anymore because my works will precede me...Also, I don't have to push my way. Lastly, I'm learning that I am not meant for every circle...some circles are just not for me and guess what it's okay. Sometimes, I was born and raised in the church but I despise religion. I believe in personal relationship with Christ and I believe Christ impacts my life and makes the difference. My way of thinking is unconventional to many and I realize going against the grain isn't popular; many times it is frowned upon. I'm realizing more and more God made me uniquely. Sometimes, peer pressure will make you feel bad about who you are but I realize I'm different. Different is good and I realize my uniqueness is a great offering. It's a uniqueness that bridges the gap and brings different types of people together. I feel like I'm been given the unique ability to see good in most people and I strive embrace people right where they are. Well, this isn't popular...many times we cast judgement and lack the empathy necessary to be a blessing to others. People are drawn to authenticity and our love, bottom line. I empathize with others because I am in touch with my idiosyncrasies and shortcomings. I AM NOT PERFECT!
I've never been one to conform or look to others for answers... This is good to some extent and in another sense not so good but God is teaching me how to discern when I'm being difficult and need to comply. Compliance isn't always a bad thing...once more, I am learning it is not necessary to announce myself...I'm letting my works speak. Basically, I guess what I'm saying life is reminding me of the need to let God be my source of security and validation. His love for me is perfect and it doesn't waver. While I may look for love in the wrong places and in imbalanced relationships, He facilitates and meets all of my needs! EVERY NEED - emotional, physical, spiritual, relational and psychological. I don't have to "FIT" in...as long as I realize I'm "FIT" enough for Him that's all that matters. Just wanna encourage you in the same manner. When you stop trying to fit in and just be, God will bring the right people, the right relationships and the right opportunities to you. I'm determined to stay on track with my weight loss and exercise regimen. I'm FIT because HE accepts me just as I am and SO are you! What He created is good and He doesn't make mistakes. People may improperly assess who you are but it's okay because you are FIT enough...there is a strategic place for both you and I in the Earth and God will use man to help us but our security will come as we accept who He has made us to be! It's gravy, baby....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Friday, March 23, 2012
Sshhh....Be quiet!
Are you overwhelmed by the noise in your life? Have you ever been exhausted by the outward chatter and inward angst? Tired of the voices in your head that scream: "You will never make it!", "You have screwed up this time!", "What were you thinking?" Every where you turn someone has something to say
about your life and the choices you've made... Do you ever feel like telling everybody to leave you alone?? I know I haven't been the wisest and I know I've missed the mark several times (no, many times) but who hasn't? I'm far from perfection yet, I am being perfected (matured) everyday through life experiences. Yet, I still hear the noise from every mistake and every wrong turn. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I've learned the greater lesson...to never repeat THAT mistake again. Yet, I hear my inner world and my external surroundings speaking without end and the noise is clouding my ability to hear, to see the bigger picture...
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair..but I keep climbing and somehow in the midst of all the clutter and distortion, I am convinced EVERYTHING is going to be alright... Somehow I see hope and light at the end of this tunnel!
So, join me will you? Take a deep breath: inhale, then exhale and say "Sshhh..be quiet".
Much love and many blessings,
Lady J
about your life and the choices you've made... Do you ever feel like telling everybody to leave you alone?? I know I haven't been the wisest and I know I've missed the mark several times (no, many times) but who hasn't? I'm far from perfection yet, I am being perfected (matured) everyday through life experiences. Yet, I still hear the noise from every mistake and every wrong turn. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I've learned the greater lesson...to never repeat THAT mistake again. Yet, I hear my inner world and my external surroundings speaking without end and the noise is clouding my ability to hear, to see the bigger picture...
Life for me ain't been no crystal stair..but I keep climbing and somehow in the midst of all the clutter and distortion, I am convinced EVERYTHING is going to be alright... Somehow I see hope and light at the end of this tunnel!
So, join me will you? Take a deep breath: inhale, then exhale and say "Sshhh..be quiet".
Much love and many blessings,
Lady J
Friday, February 17, 2012
The Art of Bouncing Back...
So, I can't resist the temptation and allow the day to go by without saying: " I AM NOT DEFEATED!!" As a matter of fact, I am a winner and every attempt to smash me or knock me down is rendered VOID and of NO real impact!! You see, life has a way of bringing you curve balls and the devil has a way of adding his two cents by planting negative seeds to suggest you are a failure. However, I am here to boldly announce there is absolutely NOTHING that can hold us back IF we believe it!
Last night, I had an personal encounter that changed my life! Life is full of insightful moments, only if we listen and pay attention! Why am I so adamant?? Well, I'm tired of seeing people (including myself) suffer internally and even externally because of torment! Torment is NOT of God, as a matter of fact, it is a nasty plot of the enemy to steal your joy, to rob you of peace and to take your mind! Life is too precious and there is too much to live for.
So, what is my admonishment today...well, simply put...as LL Cool J would say, " I'm making a COMEBACK!" Not only am I coming back but I am bouncing back...taking my rightful place and standing in confidence knowing THIS TOO SHALL PASS! Friends, please know the same in your lives. Hurtful situations, bad decisions and people with ill motives have LOST their power over me and I encourage you to strip them of their power by determining to STAY IN THE RACE!! Don't fold, don't compromise and don't be a PUNK! Stand up, square your backs and FIGHT!! Look in that mirror and say to yourself: "I am a winner and every disappointment is opportunity for future advancement!"
I'm reminded of a large inflated doll with a bottom base. When the doll is hit, it goes backward and maybe even to the side, back and forth BUT it's foundation is sturdy enough for it NOT to fall completely to the ground. And like that inflated doll, we cannot fall to the ground when our foundation is sturdy, when it's secure and when we stand knowing who we are in confidence. You may have been sucker punch, like I have been BUT the pain will not last forever. This TOO shall pass! LOL!!! I love it! Put on your gear and speak the words of its' DESTRUCTION AND DEMISE...put it (whatever IT is) to death with the power of your words and then walk on in victory!! You can make it and you are a WINNER!
The Art of bouncing back happens in 4 phases:
1. Release the negative - whatever happened...LET IT GO!! Acknowledge it but quickly release it because to hold on TOO long is to compromise your place and to position yourself for a setback. NOT! Let it go!
2. Embracing the positive - believe what is positive. If you believe better days are coming, better days will! Reject the thoughts that you are no good and embrace good things - what does the Bible say? Find inspirational material and SPEAK positive affirmations daily!
3. Focus on YOU - Do something you've always wanted to do! Pursue a new hobby, meet somebody new, go out on the date and give that person a chance! Pamper yourself (this applies to both ladies and men)...pamper yourself...love on YOU. As you do, you will in turn, remain a healthy YOU!
4. Bounce back and MOVE!!! - And then return to the ring again and HIT life with your best shot of positivity, hope and courage. Be bold, be courageous and GET IN THERE AGAIN!! Don't let nothing or no one keep you hindered! See it for what it is BUT MOVE! If someone hurt you, return the favor by forgiving them and that will diminish their power over you! Hahaha!!
I love it! I hope you can benefit from this admonishment today. I apologize in advance but my eyes are open and I see clearly now the rain is gone. I am raising my voice today, declaring a different standard! We will live and NOT die! My life is headed in the right direction and SO is yours!!!!
Signing off...
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Last night, I had an personal encounter that changed my life! Life is full of insightful moments, only if we listen and pay attention! Why am I so adamant?? Well, I'm tired of seeing people (including myself) suffer internally and even externally because of torment! Torment is NOT of God, as a matter of fact, it is a nasty plot of the enemy to steal your joy, to rob you of peace and to take your mind! Life is too precious and there is too much to live for.
So, what is my admonishment today...well, simply put...as LL Cool J would say, " I'm making a COMEBACK!" Not only am I coming back but I am bouncing back...taking my rightful place and standing in confidence knowing THIS TOO SHALL PASS! Friends, please know the same in your lives. Hurtful situations, bad decisions and people with ill motives have LOST their power over me and I encourage you to strip them of their power by determining to STAY IN THE RACE!! Don't fold, don't compromise and don't be a PUNK! Stand up, square your backs and FIGHT!! Look in that mirror and say to yourself: "I am a winner and every disappointment is opportunity for future advancement!"
I'm reminded of a large inflated doll with a bottom base. When the doll is hit, it goes backward and maybe even to the side, back and forth BUT it's foundation is sturdy enough for it NOT to fall completely to the ground. And like that inflated doll, we cannot fall to the ground when our foundation is sturdy, when it's secure and when we stand knowing who we are in confidence. You may have been sucker punch, like I have been BUT the pain will not last forever. This TOO shall pass! LOL!!! I love it! Put on your gear and speak the words of its' DESTRUCTION AND DEMISE...put it (whatever IT is) to death with the power of your words and then walk on in victory!! You can make it and you are a WINNER!
The Art of bouncing back happens in 4 phases:
1. Release the negative - whatever happened...LET IT GO!! Acknowledge it but quickly release it because to hold on TOO long is to compromise your place and to position yourself for a setback. NOT! Let it go!
2. Embracing the positive - believe what is positive. If you believe better days are coming, better days will! Reject the thoughts that you are no good and embrace good things - what does the Bible say? Find inspirational material and SPEAK positive affirmations daily!
3. Focus on YOU - Do something you've always wanted to do! Pursue a new hobby, meet somebody new, go out on the date and give that person a chance! Pamper yourself (this applies to both ladies and men)...pamper yourself...love on YOU. As you do, you will in turn, remain a healthy YOU!
4. Bounce back and MOVE!!! - And then return to the ring again and HIT life with your best shot of positivity, hope and courage. Be bold, be courageous and GET IN THERE AGAIN!! Don't let nothing or no one keep you hindered! See it for what it is BUT MOVE! If someone hurt you, return the favor by forgiving them and that will diminish their power over you! Hahaha!!
I love it! I hope you can benefit from this admonishment today. I apologize in advance but my eyes are open and I see clearly now the rain is gone. I am raising my voice today, declaring a different standard! We will live and NOT die! My life is headed in the right direction and SO is yours!!!!
Signing off...
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
The Gift of Celebration
Tonight was probably one of the BEST evenings I've had in a very long time. It was refreshing and just plain 'ole fun! After a week of many tragedies and life challenges, tonight I decided to celebrate. Yes, Valentine's Day is just another day but for me this year was the best! Why? Well, the gift of celebration accompanied with girl talk and a good time brought me joy and peace!!
Well, I went to a wonderful local comedy club this evening and boy I laugh! Sidebar, let me say, I think comedians are SO cool! Funny men are so attractive! Give me a man who makes me laugh any day and I am in heaven!! Sorry, for the side bar! LOL! At any rate, anyone who knows me personally know I have a big laugh. I laughed so much and so loud the comedian began to pick on me. As he did, I laughed even more - the crowd begin to laugh at me because of my laughter! LOLOLOL!!! I enjoy laughing, it is extremely therapeutic for me. It releases stress in my life and brings me to a calm space. Additionally, laughter carries a healing agent and a sense of comfort along with it! The comedians were great, the crowd was fun and the experience was something new and I embraced it with open arms!!
So, a part of the comedian's act included talking about single-hood and initially, I shouted out from the audience: "NO!" I thought, "Man, just do your jokes and sit down." The comedian was a single man, never been married with NO kids and he was puzzled about where to go to find good women... First, of all, I yelled out "OMG, are you serious?!?" And then, I begin to clap (yes, this is during his act), I gave him a thunderous applause and begin to think, "Now, where have YOU been all my life." Ladies, HE WAS A CUTIE! :-) Okay, let me focus... Being a single woman isn't always easy, nor is it always fun (can I be real?). Sshhh...Don't judge me. :-) Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my independence and ability to come and go as I please. However, I will be the first to acknowledge there are some lonely days while on the journey. And quite frankly, the commercialism and hype of Valentine's Day can sometimes wear on you, BAM, it's right there in your face! Before you know it, you are in a closet sobbing because you don't have that "special" someone. The joys of single-hood!! :-) This year, I purposed I would NOT be that girl! I treated myself ALL DAY and made NO apologies for it!! I love being a lady and I love being me...
I'm learning how to pursue wholeness as I date. In other words, I am learning from each dating experience, nothing falls to the ground! Everything counts!!! Truly, to be single is to be whole... The word single suggests wholeness and oneness. As I date, I learn something new and I am grateful to be in a place to candidly share my story. I may offend some with my transparency but this is who I am. If I can't be me, I'm suggesting to my Creator He made a mistake when He created me. We are all unique and special, that's just HIS way! He gives us the personality traits and abilities. No, I'm not perfect but I'm okay as long as I'm willing to demonstrate a desire to improve. I'm learning to draw from the inner strength I have....the gift of celebration! When I celebrate and love myself, it helps me to keep the right perspective as I date - a healthy one. The dating world is not an easy one to navigate BUT it does get easier when we learn valuable lessons from the encounters we have. Life is a classroom, if we just play attention, we will advance far and learn much! Sometimes, I feel like men are just as confused as the women are. However, everyone wants love, everyone wants to feel loved by that significant "other" at the end of the day. It's not a terrible desire, it's an honorable one! It's a desire I believe God put within us all. However, we have to learn how to celebrate WHERE we are in our singleness and WHO we are!
So, tonight, I embraced the gift of celebration and the joys of friendship, laughter and girl talk! Being with trustworthy friends is a wonderful way to celebrate Valentine's Day...it ain't that bad after all! One day, I will celebrate with Mr. Man but until then, I am learning to be content just where I am and having a BLAST while doing it!!! Hey, I encourage you to do the same!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYBODY!! LOVE YA!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Well, I went to a wonderful local comedy club this evening and boy I laugh! Sidebar, let me say, I think comedians are SO cool! Funny men are so attractive! Give me a man who makes me laugh any day and I am in heaven!! Sorry, for the side bar! LOL! At any rate, anyone who knows me personally know I have a big laugh. I laughed so much and so loud the comedian began to pick on me. As he did, I laughed even more - the crowd begin to laugh at me because of my laughter! LOLOLOL!!! I enjoy laughing, it is extremely therapeutic for me. It releases stress in my life and brings me to a calm space. Additionally, laughter carries a healing agent and a sense of comfort along with it! The comedians were great, the crowd was fun and the experience was something new and I embraced it with open arms!!
So, a part of the comedian's act included talking about single-hood and initially, I shouted out from the audience: "NO!" I thought, "Man, just do your jokes and sit down." The comedian was a single man, never been married with NO kids and he was puzzled about where to go to find good women... First, of all, I yelled out "OMG, are you serious?!?" And then, I begin to clap (yes, this is during his act), I gave him a thunderous applause and begin to think, "Now, where have YOU been all my life." Ladies, HE WAS A CUTIE! :-) Okay, let me focus... Being a single woman isn't always easy, nor is it always fun (can I be real?). Sshhh...Don't judge me. :-) Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my independence and ability to come and go as I please. However, I will be the first to acknowledge there are some lonely days while on the journey. And quite frankly, the commercialism and hype of Valentine's Day can sometimes wear on you, BAM, it's right there in your face! Before you know it, you are in a closet sobbing because you don't have that "special" someone. The joys of single-hood!! :-) This year, I purposed I would NOT be that girl! I treated myself ALL DAY and made NO apologies for it!! I love being a lady and I love being me...
I'm learning how to pursue wholeness as I date. In other words, I am learning from each dating experience, nothing falls to the ground! Everything counts!!! Truly, to be single is to be whole... The word single suggests wholeness and oneness. As I date, I learn something new and I am grateful to be in a place to candidly share my story. I may offend some with my transparency but this is who I am. If I can't be me, I'm suggesting to my Creator He made a mistake when He created me. We are all unique and special, that's just HIS way! He gives us the personality traits and abilities. No, I'm not perfect but I'm okay as long as I'm willing to demonstrate a desire to improve. I'm learning to draw from the inner strength I have....the gift of celebration! When I celebrate and love myself, it helps me to keep the right perspective as I date - a healthy one. The dating world is not an easy one to navigate BUT it does get easier when we learn valuable lessons from the encounters we have. Life is a classroom, if we just play attention, we will advance far and learn much! Sometimes, I feel like men are just as confused as the women are. However, everyone wants love, everyone wants to feel loved by that significant "other" at the end of the day. It's not a terrible desire, it's an honorable one! It's a desire I believe God put within us all. However, we have to learn how to celebrate WHERE we are in our singleness and WHO we are!
So, tonight, I embraced the gift of celebration and the joys of friendship, laughter and girl talk! Being with trustworthy friends is a wonderful way to celebrate Valentine's Day...it ain't that bad after all! One day, I will celebrate with Mr. Man but until then, I am learning to be content just where I am and having a BLAST while doing it!!! Hey, I encourage you to do the same!
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYBODY!! LOVE YA!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Moving forward...
One of the most challenging things to do in life is learning how to move forward! The older I get, the more obvious this reality becomes. Many times, we allow fear to cloud our view and give us a negative perspective of who we are and what we are looking at. It's in moments like these, I am reminded to ascend to higher place and look down. It is from an ascended place, I see clearly. It is true that as an airplane elevates thousands upon thousands of feet above the clouds, the view becomes clearer and sky is beautiful and bright!
Fear is the enemy of success in families, in our careers, love relationships, friendships, and health, just to name a few. Ultimately, fear is designed to sabotage. When you closely examine fear, you realize it is the enemy of your soul...it is the REAL enemy. While it could be argued that fear is a good thing, I am not referring to fear from a reverential perspective. Certainly, that type of fear has its' place. However, I'm referring to fear from the perspective of hesitancy, resistance, insecurity, rejection - those lies that hold us captive to unhealthy emotions, unhealthy relationships and unhealthy responses.
Traditionally, it has been known to say the opposite of fear is courage. However, I'm inclined to disagree. In my experiences and opinion, I've found LOVE to be the opposite of fear. To properly assess, your inability to move forward, one must assess WHY. Many times, "the" why is rooted in low-self esteem, heartache, disappointment, anxiety, rejection, misunderstanding and yes, there are others. Why are we so inclined to withdraw or to drawback from things, situations, people that will ultimately make us better? Why do we offer excuses for not being healthy - spirit, soul and body? And why do we blame others for our lack or inability to move forward? If we possessed the right SELF-PERSPECTIVE...we would respond differently. Currently, I am taking a course in Human Sexuality and I must say, this course has challenged me on SO MANY levels! However, the author points out the different styles of love and our natural tendencies to operate in them based on who we are. One of the styles of love is defined as "agape" and personally, I've learned about this love in church. However, I didn't really see it in action until I learned HOW to receive love from my Creator. As I embraced His love for me, it taught me HOW to love myself. Fear says that I am not worthy, so I can't move forward. But love says, you are worthy, not because of what you've done or haven't done...you're worthy just because. Everything in creation was created good and God accepts us where we are, His love isn't predicated upon what we do and what we don't do. His demonstration of love towards us is that He gave.... In other words, I guess I am inclined to believe that until we truly love ourselves through Him, we will not walk in uninhibited places of freedom and victory. We will always be stifled and we will continue to repeat vicious cycles. It takes risk to move forward, it takes risk to love, it takes risks to begin again but if you love yourself, you will understand why it's necessary.
FORGIVE yourself. That's right! If you made a bad decision? So, what!?! It's done, it's over. Perhaps, you thought it was the best thing at the time and so did I. Been there, done that! Release your self from the personal disappointment you've encountered. Life is a learning experience and every situation matters. It is an opportunity to help someone else, it's an opportunity to share your story. This is a process, I am working on right now...learning to forgive myself means I accept the past decisions I've made, be it good or bad / right or wrong. I'm learning to live GUILT-FREE! We cannot afford to drown in the sea of regret!! Regret is also a terrible enemy. It happened, it happened for a reason, NOW, pick yourself up and move forward... No back paddling here! :-) There is something to be said for trying something new, stepping into unknown, uncharted territories. There is something to be said about having the courage to do something you've never done before. I dare you...I dare you to challenge yourself and to boldly go where no man has gone before! Thank you Star Trek :-) Take heart and DO it afraid! Eventually, the fear will dissipate and love will abound!!
Today, I am very introspective as I face many decisions, many opportunities, and many failures. However, I am determined to continue to love me and to give myself the opportunity, the chance and the motivation to continue to move forward. Friends, don't allow anything, anyone or any situation paralyze or stunt your growth. Care enough to love you and take the risk...move forward, I promise you there is something wonderful awaiting your arrival!
Thank you for allowing me to share myself with you....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Fear is the enemy of success in families, in our careers, love relationships, friendships, and health, just to name a few. Ultimately, fear is designed to sabotage. When you closely examine fear, you realize it is the enemy of your soul...it is the REAL enemy. While it could be argued that fear is a good thing, I am not referring to fear from a reverential perspective. Certainly, that type of fear has its' place. However, I'm referring to fear from the perspective of hesitancy, resistance, insecurity, rejection - those lies that hold us captive to unhealthy emotions, unhealthy relationships and unhealthy responses.
Traditionally, it has been known to say the opposite of fear is courage. However, I'm inclined to disagree. In my experiences and opinion, I've found LOVE to be the opposite of fear. To properly assess, your inability to move forward, one must assess WHY. Many times, "the" why is rooted in low-self esteem, heartache, disappointment, anxiety, rejection, misunderstanding and yes, there are others. Why are we so inclined to withdraw or to drawback from things, situations, people that will ultimately make us better? Why do we offer excuses for not being healthy - spirit, soul and body? And why do we blame others for our lack or inability to move forward? If we possessed the right SELF-PERSPECTIVE...we would respond differently. Currently, I am taking a course in Human Sexuality and I must say, this course has challenged me on SO MANY levels! However, the author points out the different styles of love and our natural tendencies to operate in them based on who we are. One of the styles of love is defined as "agape" and personally, I've learned about this love in church. However, I didn't really see it in action until I learned HOW to receive love from my Creator. As I embraced His love for me, it taught me HOW to love myself. Fear says that I am not worthy, so I can't move forward. But love says, you are worthy, not because of what you've done or haven't done...you're worthy just because. Everything in creation was created good and God accepts us where we are, His love isn't predicated upon what we do and what we don't do. His demonstration of love towards us is that He gave.... In other words, I guess I am inclined to believe that until we truly love ourselves through Him, we will not walk in uninhibited places of freedom and victory. We will always be stifled and we will continue to repeat vicious cycles. It takes risk to move forward, it takes risk to love, it takes risks to begin again but if you love yourself, you will understand why it's necessary.
FORGIVE yourself. That's right! If you made a bad decision? So, what!?! It's done, it's over. Perhaps, you thought it was the best thing at the time and so did I. Been there, done that! Release your self from the personal disappointment you've encountered. Life is a learning experience and every situation matters. It is an opportunity to help someone else, it's an opportunity to share your story. This is a process, I am working on right now...learning to forgive myself means I accept the past decisions I've made, be it good or bad / right or wrong. I'm learning to live GUILT-FREE! We cannot afford to drown in the sea of regret!! Regret is also a terrible enemy. It happened, it happened for a reason, NOW, pick yourself up and move forward... No back paddling here! :-) There is something to be said for trying something new, stepping into unknown, uncharted territories. There is something to be said about having the courage to do something you've never done before. I dare you...I dare you to challenge yourself and to boldly go where no man has gone before! Thank you Star Trek :-) Take heart and DO it afraid! Eventually, the fear will dissipate and love will abound!!
Today, I am very introspective as I face many decisions, many opportunities, and many failures. However, I am determined to continue to love me and to give myself the opportunity, the chance and the motivation to continue to move forward. Friends, don't allow anything, anyone or any situation paralyze or stunt your growth. Care enough to love you and take the risk...move forward, I promise you there is something wonderful awaiting your arrival!
Thank you for allowing me to share myself with you....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Monday, October 10, 2011
Change is the ONLY constant in life!
Hey everyone!
I know it's been awhile since I blogged but I didn't have anything to say worth writing and why waste your time reading? You know?
Well, I'm back and I have a lot to share. I've had many experiences and I hope my story helps you in some way! Change is the only constant in MY life! Life is constantly throwing me curves balls, interesting twists and turns. Yet, I'm learning how to master and catch the curve ball. Who said curve balls can't be caught?!?!
Since my last post, much in my life has changed immensely! My life is not what it was 5 months ago. Many areas of my life have changed - from my career, to personal relationships to leadership responsbilities and etc.
I am getting ready to hit the road again contrary to what I originally thought. YAY!!! As of last Friday, I will be doing Menopause the Musical LIVE Concert Tour! I'm pretty excited but also nervous as this is my FIRST city to city, state to state tour. I will be touring in CA, MT, WA and ID. Rehearsals is 10 days long and will begin THIS Friday in sunny Orlando, Florida! Can't wait!! It's going to be alot of work but I'm ready!! This opportunity literally FAIL into my lap! I will be touring October 31 - December 18th and it's NICE pay! The ole saying is TRUE: What God has for YOU, it is explicitly for YOU and NO ONE can hamper or hinder HIS intentions for YOU! You would NOT believe the favor God extended to me! I will say this - it pays to have a great working relationship, solid reputation and a strong work ethic. You never know who God may use someone else to bless you and usher you into a greater realm.
Now, if you recall, one of the main reasons I returned home was to handle debt and to recover financially. Well, I'm glad to report that I have successfully PAID OFF three bills!!! Hallelujah, nothing better than eliminating debt from over your head. I have several more I'm working towards and I'm sure it will be handled by the end of this year, no later than Jan 2012. I've been taking care of business...enrolled in school again AND I met a wonderful man! Can't say anymore about that at this time! TOP SECRET! :-)
Another reason, it was necessary for me to return to MD was due to my assignment at my church. I love my church and my church family! My connection to this great assembly has revolutionized my life! I've been appointed to a new leadership position to serve in an area of ministry which I am passionate about and perhaps will be able to make a difference - a great impact! Promotion really does comes from God!!! I know I have my work cut out for me but God will reward those who are committed. He will release the energy, werewithal, and ability to get it done in excellence!!
And there's MORE... I had an opportunity several weeks ago to talk with 6th and 7th graders at Loch Raven Academy about my life as an artist. Thanks Ann Prissi!! :-) I also sang songs from popular musicals. My life WAS NOT the same after that experience - the youth were in awe and I was in awe of them!!! It went SO well that I've been invited back to speak to a larger crowd of students. I'm VERY excited about this assignment as well. There is nothing more rewarding than changing the life of a young person!!
So, this time or season in my life is one that will require complete focus, commitment, dedication and loyalty FIRST to God and then to others. Additionally, life is teaching me not to seek the approval of others'. While this tour is a dream of a lifetime for me, there are some who are not in agreement and feel as though I have betrayed them. However, for once in my life, I am pursuing my passion and I'm doing it without any apology. Steve Jobs said it best and no, he wasn't my best friend or homie but he said some pretty powerful things. How about this one for size? Steve Jobs said: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma." WOW!! The entire quote is powerful but these statements REACHED out to me and began to SPEAK! I am the responsible party for my life - at the end of the day, God will hold me accountable for what I've done with what HE gave me. In my heart, I struggle with validation like anyone else BUT I learning to embrace the fact the HE accepts me and loves me as I am. At the end of the day, people's opinion of you will change with the wind. So, why depend upon it for personal validation?
What about the job?? Well, I will be doing my passion full time again for now and this time I am hoping for better opportunities/great connections! I have NO regrets, I'm moving forward - no looking back!
As you experience changes in your life GO WITH THE FLOW!! Going with the flow will create an undeniable flow of peace that leads to success and wellness! Yield to the flow and LIVE your best life NOW! Stop waiting on man to approve and seek the ONE who created you! He knows EVERYTHING there is to know about you and He will grant you success as you trust Him with your life!
Until next time!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
I know it's been awhile since I blogged but I didn't have anything to say worth writing and why waste your time reading? You know?
Well, I'm back and I have a lot to share. I've had many experiences and I hope my story helps you in some way! Change is the only constant in MY life! Life is constantly throwing me curves balls, interesting twists and turns. Yet, I'm learning how to master and catch the curve ball. Who said curve balls can't be caught?!?!
Since my last post, much in my life has changed immensely! My life is not what it was 5 months ago. Many areas of my life have changed - from my career, to personal relationships to leadership responsbilities and etc.
I am getting ready to hit the road again contrary to what I originally thought. YAY!!! As of last Friday, I will be doing Menopause the Musical LIVE Concert Tour! I'm pretty excited but also nervous as this is my FIRST city to city, state to state tour. I will be touring in CA, MT, WA and ID. Rehearsals is 10 days long and will begin THIS Friday in sunny Orlando, Florida! Can't wait!! It's going to be alot of work but I'm ready!! This opportunity literally FAIL into my lap! I will be touring October 31 - December 18th and it's NICE pay! The ole saying is TRUE: What God has for YOU, it is explicitly for YOU and NO ONE can hamper or hinder HIS intentions for YOU! You would NOT believe the favor God extended to me! I will say this - it pays to have a great working relationship, solid reputation and a strong work ethic. You never know who God may use someone else to bless you and usher you into a greater realm.
Now, if you recall, one of the main reasons I returned home was to handle debt and to recover financially. Well, I'm glad to report that I have successfully PAID OFF three bills!!! Hallelujah, nothing better than eliminating debt from over your head. I have several more I'm working towards and I'm sure it will be handled by the end of this year, no later than Jan 2012. I've been taking care of business...enrolled in school again AND I met a wonderful man! Can't say anymore about that at this time! TOP SECRET! :-)
Another reason, it was necessary for me to return to MD was due to my assignment at my church. I love my church and my church family! My connection to this great assembly has revolutionized my life! I've been appointed to a new leadership position to serve in an area of ministry which I am passionate about and perhaps will be able to make a difference - a great impact! Promotion really does comes from God!!! I know I have my work cut out for me but God will reward those who are committed. He will release the energy, werewithal, and ability to get it done in excellence!!
And there's MORE... I had an opportunity several weeks ago to talk with 6th and 7th graders at Loch Raven Academy about my life as an artist. Thanks Ann Prissi!! :-) I also sang songs from popular musicals. My life WAS NOT the same after that experience - the youth were in awe and I was in awe of them!!! It went SO well that I've been invited back to speak to a larger crowd of students. I'm VERY excited about this assignment as well. There is nothing more rewarding than changing the life of a young person!!
So, this time or season in my life is one that will require complete focus, commitment, dedication and loyalty FIRST to God and then to others. Additionally, life is teaching me not to seek the approval of others'. While this tour is a dream of a lifetime for me, there are some who are not in agreement and feel as though I have betrayed them. However, for once in my life, I am pursuing my passion and I'm doing it without any apology. Steve Jobs said it best and no, he wasn't my best friend or homie but he said some pretty powerful things. How about this one for size? Steve Jobs said: "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma." WOW!! The entire quote is powerful but these statements REACHED out to me and began to SPEAK! I am the responsible party for my life - at the end of the day, God will hold me accountable for what I've done with what HE gave me. In my heart, I struggle with validation like anyone else BUT I learning to embrace the fact the HE accepts me and loves me as I am. At the end of the day, people's opinion of you will change with the wind. So, why depend upon it for personal validation?
What about the job?? Well, I will be doing my passion full time again for now and this time I am hoping for better opportunities/great connections! I have NO regrets, I'm moving forward - no looking back!
As you experience changes in your life GO WITH THE FLOW!! Going with the flow will create an undeniable flow of peace that leads to success and wellness! Yield to the flow and LIVE your best life NOW! Stop waiting on man to approve and seek the ONE who created you! He knows EVERYTHING there is to know about you and He will grant you success as you trust Him with your life!
Until next time!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Chicago & Stuff
Hello, everyone!
It's been awhile and I hope all is well! It's been VERY busy for me!
So, I'm presently apart of a great show: Chicago, the Musical. I'm proud of what this production has evolved into. It was this experience that taught me something else about myself. I drop my consonants sometimes when I speak...:-) I was NEVER aware of this until my director brought it to my attention. Therefore, I decided to seek out a Speech Pathologist for assistance! After I met with the pathologist, he sent me an assessment and so, I've decided to get speech therapy (he said I drop my t's and l's at times but nothing major). THANK GOD!! Thought I had a bigger issue! The things we do for the business! It's about excellence and being the best I can be, right? At least that's what I keep telling myself.
Back to Chicago, you need to come see it, come see it soon...like THIS WEDNESDAY NIGHT at 6p. Just tell them you are a friend or a family member of mines. Visit the website for pictures and more information: www.tobysdinnertheatre.com.
Hopefully, I will see YOU on the stage!! Much love!!!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Just being ME!
It's been awhile since I've written a new post. Truth of the matter is that I've been extremely busy and tired. My time has been consumed by deadlines, expectations, performances and the such.. This post has not real reason or rhyme...Just being consistent, you know?!? :-) There is something to be said about being consistent...another post for another day!
So, last night was the first night I performed since May and for the first time in a long while, I was extremely nervous. I'm playing Mama Matron Morton in Chicago the Musical at Toby's Dinner Theatre in Columbia, MD from Sept. 2- Nov. 6th. This is another role that has been played by Queen Latifah and it's a pretty fun role. It's a completely different character for me, she's quite corrupt and she's an opportunist! Although, I'm an opportunist, I'm not Mama Morton...LOL! She's an animal of a different sort! The process of developing this character was very different for me...it was during this rehearsal process I learned that I constantly drop my consonants at the end of my lines and my songs. So, in other words, my diction isn't always wonderful! LOL! When I converse in everyday conversation I'm fine but when I'm on stage, my nerves take control and I lose my breathe. I love being on stage BUT be clear - it's NO joke! Talk about being embarrassed! There is nothing more embarrassing - dropping lines because you can't breathe. But guess what? I made it through opening night and I am confident that the run will be great! I'm working with an extremely talented cast...Carole Lehan, Debra Buonaccorsi, Jeffrey Shankle, David James, Larry Munsey...great TALENT! The entire cast is great!
Come and check it out but be warned THIS IS NOT the traditional role I've played. So, for all of my sisters and brothers in Christ, just know it's a character. I'm still saved and I love Jesus Christ be clear where I stand! :-)
I'm going back to bed...I'm tired and I have a show to do later this evening, plus church and more shows... Allow me to leave you with this thought, live your life today as it was your last! LIVE ON PURPOSE! BE deliberate and let your life's purpose take you to greater dimensions! Give no space to negativity, learn from your past failures and move forward. There is a WINNER in YOU! Much love....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
So, last night was the first night I performed since May and for the first time in a long while, I was extremely nervous. I'm playing Mama Matron Morton in Chicago the Musical at Toby's Dinner Theatre in Columbia, MD from Sept. 2- Nov. 6th. This is another role that has been played by Queen Latifah and it's a pretty fun role. It's a completely different character for me, she's quite corrupt and she's an opportunist! Although, I'm an opportunist, I'm not Mama Morton...LOL! She's an animal of a different sort! The process of developing this character was very different for me...it was during this rehearsal process I learned that I constantly drop my consonants at the end of my lines and my songs. So, in other words, my diction isn't always wonderful! LOL! When I converse in everyday conversation I'm fine but when I'm on stage, my nerves take control and I lose my breathe. I love being on stage BUT be clear - it's NO joke! Talk about being embarrassed! There is nothing more embarrassing - dropping lines because you can't breathe. But guess what? I made it through opening night and I am confident that the run will be great! I'm working with an extremely talented cast...Carole Lehan, Debra Buonaccorsi, Jeffrey Shankle, David James, Larry Munsey...great TALENT! The entire cast is great!
Come and check it out but be warned THIS IS NOT the traditional role I've played. So, for all of my sisters and brothers in Christ, just know it's a character. I'm still saved and I love Jesus Christ be clear where I stand! :-)
I'm going back to bed...I'm tired and I have a show to do later this evening, plus church and more shows... Allow me to leave you with this thought, live your life today as it was your last! LIVE ON PURPOSE! BE deliberate and let your life's purpose take you to greater dimensions! Give no space to negativity, learn from your past failures and move forward. There is a WINNER in YOU! Much love....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
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