As I approach one of the biggest fulfillment's in my life, I face a brick wall. After several months of preparation and planning for my first showcase, I am struggling with seeing the vision. For the last several nights, I have not slept well, I'm tossing and turning wondering, wishing and hoping. I've gained a few pounds and thought to myself, "Wow, really Jesaira. How did you get back here?" My soul is in turmoil because the vision looks blurry and those who I thought would support and believe, haven't. Can I be very honest?? Sure, I can...it's my blog... pursuing your GOD given dream is NOT easy and it's not a journey for punks. This journey towards what God said has been costly and extremely lonely. Not many people understand, nor seek to understand the plight. It is much easier to sit back and passively allow life and opportunities to pass you by. I'm doing this showcase because my Creator, God inspired me to do such....He encouraged me to soar like an eagle, to defy the limitations and opinions of people and to be ALL He has created me to be. Well, I've had an epiphany (call it naivety) but I now I realize there are some people around who are not necessarily fond of what God has for you...some people call them haters, others call them blockers and since this is new to me, I call them misinformed. I am reminded of my ongoing struggle - my human deficiency to still desire the acceptance and approval of my peers/colleagues. Oh well, help Jesus! Back to my point, only those who are misinformed and removed from their own personal dreams, would discourage others who dream. This mentality is an open door to ignorance and I would prefer to say ignorance versus someone hating on me. Often, the things we don't understand, we mishandle. And this experience is teaching me that many people mishandle what they see because they don't understand, they are misinformed. Additionally, this journey is teaching that everyone is not meant to understand your plight; as such, the focus should not be on trying to get those aboard who don't understand or who don't see it. Rather, it's more advantageous for me to spend time, investing in the assignment, the charge God has given me to be a creative being and to be a source of hope for others. In doing so, God will fund my dreams and take charge of the rest and will send the support - the people He desires to be in my space during this crucial time of delivery.
So, as I seriously contemplate Nov. 3rd - whether or not to proceed, I am reminded of what initiated all of this....the words from a song that God spoke to my heart..."Jesaira, I created you to DEFY GRAVITY. To soar beyond the expectations and opinions of others. You are a VOICE, a voice designed to impact many. Use your voice to make a difference." Recently, a friend of mine said, "minimize, devalue the opinions of others and maximize God's opinion more."
Several months back, I received an email from Tyler Perry;s office (standard email blasts) and he shared his story...he had absolutely nothing and many didn't believe in him. Now, he is the highest paid actor in Hollywood, making $139 million dollars last year. Not bad Tyler. Although, he receives many criticisms from people in the industry (another story for another day), I admire ANYONE who goes from nothing to something great because of their personal dream and vision. After the dream, it is very important to visualize what you have dreamed about and I believe Tyler did that...he was relentless in his pursuit and he was determined despite what he saw with his natural eye to manifest the dream. Tyler tapped into the plan of God which caused his faith to be activated; suddenly, Tyler began to see with his spiritual eyes. Now I feel and sense the presence of God asking me as He did Jeremiah, "What do you see?". Well, my honest response is I don't know but I realize the gifts and the talents I have are not my own; therefore, God has the august responsibility to take care of HIS own. So, it shall be according to my faith...Lord, I believe....
I will wait upon you, Lord and YOU shall renew my strength. You have anointed me and therefore, I will mount up on wings as an EAGLE, to run and not grow weary, to walk and NEVER faint, Isaiah 40:31 and it is with these words, I am encouraged to take flight, fly, soar and DEFY GRAVITY.
Defying Gravity (from the musical Wicked)
Something has changed within me...
Something is not the same...
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.
Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep...
It's time to TRUST my INSTINCTS, close my eyes
And LEAP...
It's time to try defying gravity,
I think I'll try defying gravity
And You can't hold me down....
Lending my voice,
Lady Jesaira
