Hello family,
So, today as I am preparing for rehearsal, I am reflecting back on my weight journey. Maintaining my weight has always been challenging and I really thought I conquered the beast back in 1999, when I lost nearly 125 pounds. While I am not the size I was back in 1999, I've regained 60 of those pounds back...ugh! Here I am now, struggling to lose weight again but this time it's different - my body is different (hormones are going crazy), my living conditions are different, my temperament and tenacity are different and it's HARD. I'm sharing publicly because there is something very therapeutic about being open...being open and honest HELPS me and I am not ashamed.
Here I am AGAIN but the other day, I had an eye-opening experience and I saw the light... One of my friends challenged me to get on the scale and it pissed me OFF! It was much easier to feel the extra pounds than to get on the scale and SEE it for yourself. There's nothing like TRUTH staring you in the face. Anyway, I accepted the challenge and got on the scale...this year alone, I packed on 15 pounds...this is since my showcase in November. Ridiculous!! It dawned on me that I could not approach this journey as I had back in 1999....everything is DIFFERENT. This time required a deeper understanding, one that would keep me hopeful and motivated even when I want to throw in the towel. So, it hit me...God spoke to my heart and gently said: "Take it one day at a time; I am here and will lead you...I will be your DAILY provision." The lights went off and suddenly I released myself from being perfect... I realize the challenge with losing weight this time is the fact that I am so disciplined in other areas of my life so I despise having to restrict my dietary habits. Certainly, I should be able to do something without being concerned about the consequences....eating has been my past time...my guilty pleasure. I felt the calmness and peace of God come over me as I begin to understand that my success in this area will happen...ONE DAY AT A TIME...STEP BY STEP...BIT BY BIT...and now I'm free... In addition to reading the Bible, I decided to incorporate reading one inspiring story each day...it's a free app on Gateway computers and it's pretty awesome to keep me encouraged. Lastly, I have adopted this revelation as my new mantra and I will shout it from the mountain top with NO GUILT, CONDEMNATION AND REGRET --- "ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!"
Until next time....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Monday, June 3, 2013
FLIGHT
Hello family,
So, yesterday I had a life altering experience and I decided to share. Saturday I flew into Detroit to sing at a wedding and came right back the next day to close the Wiz. Anyone who knows me intimately knows that while I love traveling, I don't like flying. Flying is just not my cup of tea and I do it because I have too. At any rate, when I fly I literally pray over the plane, the pilots and the flight attendants. Upon entering/boarding the plane, I lay BOTH hands on the plane to dispatch my angels. Yes, I do it...don't laugh at me! Being 10,000+ feet in the high is NO joke and I value my life. Anyway, I've had bad flights in my day BUT yesterday was the WORST FLIGHT ever. Not sure if you are familiar with the movie "Flight" with Denzel Washington, well it was a great movie and yesterday, can I say the turbulence was SO bad that I really thought the plane was going to crash. People began to holler on the plane, a couple in front of me begin to cuddle and I began to pray. In the midst of all of this, the pilot commands the flight attendants to return to their seats immediately and not to get up until further notice - mind you the flight from Detroit to Baltimore is a little over an hour. In the midst of this heavy turbulence, I hit my head as I had a window seat and several people began to vomit much like the movie Flight. As I begin to pray, I told the Lord, "look I have purpose on my life and this is not how I expected my end to look". I heard a quiet voice say, "this is not the way in which your life will end so, relax." WHAT!?! Relax, when I am 10,000+ feet in the air and we are dropping several thousand feet at a time... Long story short, the flight attendants were never able to serve us because we had turbulence the entire time...horrible flight.
What is the point of sharing? I believe I learning something about how God holds us while in tumultuous seasons and times. God never promised us that the road would be easy. As a matter of fact, He lets us know that MANY are the afflictions of the righteous BUT He delivers us out of them all. You see, I'm a resourceful purpose. In other words, I'm a producer and I know HOW to make things happen particularly when times are rough and I am faced with a challenge. One of my favorite saying is, "Where there's a will, there's a way" and I firmly believe that BUT there are times when we cannot do anything about the trouble we face. Yesterday I faced trouble far beyond my control and anyone else for that matter. The scripture says God holds (Psalms 139:10) us in HIS hands...For when we are in the hands of the Lord, NO ENEMY can dare pluck us out...while HE may try, he won't succeed. I'm grateful because talking with my sister helped me realize this truth and perhaps the only way the Lord could get ME to learn THAT lesson was to allow yesterday to happen.
It is clear to me now, it is GOD who holds my future, who determines my life and who allows turbulent winds to come. Even when storms are raging and winds are blowing, God protects His own...He is in control and in HIM there is no failure. What's the moral here, we have to learn to TRUST HIM when we can't trace Him especially during tough times. The other lesson here is that GOD IS IN CONTROL...we can only manipulate so much...He is the only sovereign Lord.
Lending my voice,
Lady J
So, yesterday I had a life altering experience and I decided to share. Saturday I flew into Detroit to sing at a wedding and came right back the next day to close the Wiz. Anyone who knows me intimately knows that while I love traveling, I don't like flying. Flying is just not my cup of tea and I do it because I have too. At any rate, when I fly I literally pray over the plane, the pilots and the flight attendants. Upon entering/boarding the plane, I lay BOTH hands on the plane to dispatch my angels. Yes, I do it...don't laugh at me! Being 10,000+ feet in the high is NO joke and I value my life. Anyway, I've had bad flights in my day BUT yesterday was the WORST FLIGHT ever. Not sure if you are familiar with the movie "Flight" with Denzel Washington, well it was a great movie and yesterday, can I say the turbulence was SO bad that I really thought the plane was going to crash. People began to holler on the plane, a couple in front of me begin to cuddle and I began to pray. In the midst of all of this, the pilot commands the flight attendants to return to their seats immediately and not to get up until further notice - mind you the flight from Detroit to Baltimore is a little over an hour. In the midst of this heavy turbulence, I hit my head as I had a window seat and several people began to vomit much like the movie Flight. As I begin to pray, I told the Lord, "look I have purpose on my life and this is not how I expected my end to look". I heard a quiet voice say, "this is not the way in which your life will end so, relax." WHAT!?! Relax, when I am 10,000+ feet in the air and we are dropping several thousand feet at a time... Long story short, the flight attendants were never able to serve us because we had turbulence the entire time...horrible flight.
What is the point of sharing? I believe I learning something about how God holds us while in tumultuous seasons and times. God never promised us that the road would be easy. As a matter of fact, He lets us know that MANY are the afflictions of the righteous BUT He delivers us out of them all. You see, I'm a resourceful purpose. In other words, I'm a producer and I know HOW to make things happen particularly when times are rough and I am faced with a challenge. One of my favorite saying is, "Where there's a will, there's a way" and I firmly believe that BUT there are times when we cannot do anything about the trouble we face. Yesterday I faced trouble far beyond my control and anyone else for that matter. The scripture says God holds (Psalms 139:10) us in HIS hands...For when we are in the hands of the Lord, NO ENEMY can dare pluck us out...while HE may try, he won't succeed. I'm grateful because talking with my sister helped me realize this truth and perhaps the only way the Lord could get ME to learn THAT lesson was to allow yesterday to happen.
It is clear to me now, it is GOD who holds my future, who determines my life and who allows turbulent winds to come. Even when storms are raging and winds are blowing, God protects His own...He is in control and in HIM there is no failure. What's the moral here, we have to learn to TRUST HIM when we can't trace Him especially during tough times. The other lesson here is that GOD IS IN CONTROL...we can only manipulate so much...He is the only sovereign Lord.
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Sunday, May 19, 2013
SMILE...
So, today is my birthday and I woke up inspired to write. Yesterday, I was just sharing about how cathartic it is for me to write. I woke up inspired to share my story and I woke up realizing one of the greatest assets I have to offer is my smile. There are those who say I smile TOO much and then there are those who anticipate a smile from me. Generally, I keep a smile on my face but lately, the enemy of my soul has tried to robbed me of one of my greatest assets...my smile. Here's a little poetic piece I decided to write today...
Last night, I had an interesting conversation with a gentleman who came to see "the Wiz" and he complimented me on my personality/smile. I smiled and say thank you. He proceeded to say, "you seem to have this innate ability to make people laugh." I nodded and agreed but then I begin to tell him the truth "there were many days I did not smile, I could not smile and once I allowed myself to be free in the arms of God, I've been smiling ever since." My smile is indeed one of the greatest assets and contributions I could ever offer and even when I do have moments of despair, I strive to muster up a smile. Why? Because a smile, YOUR smile has the innate power to DISMISS, to ANNIHILATE and DESTROY the plot of your enemy. Think about it. It makes people very uncomfortable when you break out into a smile. The last two weeks for me have been inundated with challenges designed to ROB me of my smile. HA! However, today I woke up....I snapped out of it and remembered "girl, you were born for such a time as this and no matter, show those pearly whites and SMILE!" So, today as I approach a new day (my birthday), I am reminded to KEEP SMILING...
The pain will not last always and the trouble will soon pass....smile because your new day is here! Look outside, it's raining, it's pouring and your moment of refreshing is NOW! So, SMILE....
Until next time....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Life for my ain't been no crystal stair and for many, many years a frown is what I'd often wear.
Depressed and weighed down by what others say
Drowning in their opinions, nothing but judgment and heresay
Trials and disappointments diabolically sent to take me off course
Yet for a second, I'm derailed because I forgot God was my source
But today, I woke up, rain all around
Cloudy, seemingly dreary BUT I suddenly begin to SMILE.
I smile because I understand my day has arrived
No more waiting but anticipating the harvest - it's my time.
Keep on smiling, never let anything rob you of your joy
Turn that frown upside down and for THIS robs the enemy of his ploy
Last night, I had an interesting conversation with a gentleman who came to see "the Wiz" and he complimented me on my personality/smile. I smiled and say thank you. He proceeded to say, "you seem to have this innate ability to make people laugh." I nodded and agreed but then I begin to tell him the truth "there were many days I did not smile, I could not smile and once I allowed myself to be free in the arms of God, I've been smiling ever since." My smile is indeed one of the greatest assets and contributions I could ever offer and even when I do have moments of despair, I strive to muster up a smile. Why? Because a smile, YOUR smile has the innate power to DISMISS, to ANNIHILATE and DESTROY the plot of your enemy. Think about it. It makes people very uncomfortable when you break out into a smile. The last two weeks for me have been inundated with challenges designed to ROB me of my smile. HA! However, today I woke up....I snapped out of it and remembered "girl, you were born for such a time as this and no matter, show those pearly whites and SMILE!" So, today as I approach a new day (my birthday), I am reminded to KEEP SMILING...
The pain will not last always and the trouble will soon pass....smile because your new day is here! Look outside, it's raining, it's pouring and your moment of refreshing is NOW! So, SMILE....
Until next time....
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Blemished but Flawless
Good morning, family!
I started this blog over a year ago while I was on tour and now I finally feel like it's time to release it so here it goes....
10/19/2011
After a day filled with intense rehearsal and arduous coursework, It's 3:34am and I am still awake. I can't sleep, so I decided to write. There is something very therapeutic about writing your thoughts and expressing yourself on paper.
Right now, I am in FL rehearsing for Menopause the Musical in Concert Tour and I've had a lot of time to think. Making the decision to accept this job wasn't an easy one but I do believe it was a God-ordained opportunity. As such, I'm here and we will see where this journey takes us...
After I showered and began to prepare for bed this evening, I stopped to look at myself in the mirror. Glaring back at me was something quite embarrassing and bothersome. I began to examine, my flawed-blemished skin as I have many, many times before. I begin to reflect on how many medications I have received to treat my "flawed skin" and how none of them have seemed to work. My most recent visit to the dermatologist was so depressing that I decided not to return. Not only was I humiliated but the doctor was so rude and insensitive that I vowed to never go back. This original post was over a year ago....
FAST FORWARD TO NOW.....
2/5/2013
Skin care is important to most women and when you work in entertainment it is critical!! Well, beautiful skin has been a fair weathered friend, something I've longed to achieve. My skin now is the worst it's ever been!! :-( As a teen, I remember being so insecure about my skin....I felt people where just living for the moments to point out the flawed areas of my skin. While people would always compliment my teeth and my smile, I always knew people paid attention to my skin. For many years, I struggled with accepting the fact that I was beautiful after all my skin was blemished full of acne...and I had a huge birthmark on my neck....ugh!! The moment I decided to pursue entertainment, I kept hearing "you will never make it because you are not pretty enough plus you're fat!" One day I heard God speak to my heart and He challenged me to go outside without make up.,.,what?! Are you serious??? No!! I have to cover up everything! He challenged me once again and said "what are you covering up?? What do you have to hide? I love just the way you are and I want you to love yourself unconditionally." You see, everything that God created was good, He saw it was good because it ultimately is an extension of Him. So that day I refused to put on makeup - I mean no make up!! I felt extremely vulnerable and embarrassed but at the same time I was freed!!! Freedom is becoming my portion in this area of my life and for the first time, I refused to hide from myself. He reminded me of our conversation back in Florida, October 2011. I saw myself just for who I was and although my skin wasn't perfect, there was something perfect about me just being me. He didn't make a mistake...the Sovereign Lord does all things well! He wanted me to be assured that there was something just right about Jesaira and I should not desire to change it but rather commit to embracing me even in my imperfections... (Next time you see me, please don't stare at my face to view my flaws....that's just plain rude).
Whats my point?? Well, I still struggle to this day to have perfect skin but I've learned to love me in spite of it all because external things don't define me exclusively. There's more to me than my skin. Just like I am not my hair....I am not this skin either...I'm not your expectation-nope! I am the soul that lives within!! I'm learning to embrace me with every idiosyncrasy and deficiency; and although I'm blemished in many ways, I'm flawless before my Creator!! And so are you my friends!! He alone has the ability to fix the flawed, blemished areas of the heart, the soul. Our responsibility is to love ourselves unconditionally...why? If God can invest Himself in us and give of Himself...why can't I accept this truth and abide in peace. Yea, I'm blemished but in His presence I'm flawless, wonderfully and fearfully made. I am beautiful AND so are YOU!!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
I started this blog over a year ago while I was on tour and now I finally feel like it's time to release it so here it goes....
10/19/2011
After a day filled with intense rehearsal and arduous coursework, It's 3:34am and I am still awake. I can't sleep, so I decided to write. There is something very therapeutic about writing your thoughts and expressing yourself on paper.
Right now, I am in FL rehearsing for Menopause the Musical in Concert Tour and I've had a lot of time to think. Making the decision to accept this job wasn't an easy one but I do believe it was a God-ordained opportunity. As such, I'm here and we will see where this journey takes us...
After I showered and began to prepare for bed this evening, I stopped to look at myself in the mirror. Glaring back at me was something quite embarrassing and bothersome. I began to examine, my flawed-blemished skin as I have many, many times before. I begin to reflect on how many medications I have received to treat my "flawed skin" and how none of them have seemed to work. My most recent visit to the dermatologist was so depressing that I decided not to return. Not only was I humiliated but the doctor was so rude and insensitive that I vowed to never go back. This original post was over a year ago....
FAST FORWARD TO NOW.....
2/5/2013
Skin care is important to most women and when you work in entertainment it is critical!! Well, beautiful skin has been a fair weathered friend, something I've longed to achieve. My skin now is the worst it's ever been!! :-( As a teen, I remember being so insecure about my skin....I felt people where just living for the moments to point out the flawed areas of my skin. While people would always compliment my teeth and my smile, I always knew people paid attention to my skin. For many years, I struggled with accepting the fact that I was beautiful after all my skin was blemished full of acne...and I had a huge birthmark on my neck....ugh!! The moment I decided to pursue entertainment, I kept hearing "you will never make it because you are not pretty enough plus you're fat!" One day I heard God speak to my heart and He challenged me to go outside without make up.,.,what?! Are you serious??? No!! I have to cover up everything! He challenged me once again and said "what are you covering up?? What do you have to hide? I love just the way you are and I want you to love yourself unconditionally." You see, everything that God created was good, He saw it was good because it ultimately is an extension of Him. So that day I refused to put on makeup - I mean no make up!! I felt extremely vulnerable and embarrassed but at the same time I was freed!!! Freedom is becoming my portion in this area of my life and for the first time, I refused to hide from myself. He reminded me of our conversation back in Florida, October 2011. I saw myself just for who I was and although my skin wasn't perfect, there was something perfect about me just being me. He didn't make a mistake...the Sovereign Lord does all things well! He wanted me to be assured that there was something just right about Jesaira and I should not desire to change it but rather commit to embracing me even in my imperfections... (Next time you see me, please don't stare at my face to view my flaws....that's just plain rude).
Whats my point?? Well, I still struggle to this day to have perfect skin but I've learned to love me in spite of it all because external things don't define me exclusively. There's more to me than my skin. Just like I am not my hair....I am not this skin either...I'm not your expectation-nope! I am the soul that lives within!! I'm learning to embrace me with every idiosyncrasy and deficiency; and although I'm blemished in many ways, I'm flawless before my Creator!! And so are you my friends!! He alone has the ability to fix the flawed, blemished areas of the heart, the soul. Our responsibility is to love ourselves unconditionally...why? If God can invest Himself in us and give of Himself...why can't I accept this truth and abide in peace. Yea, I'm blemished but in His presence I'm flawless, wonderfully and fearfully made. I am beautiful AND so are YOU!!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Ease on Down the Road
Hey family,
The other day I mentioned to a friend of mine that as I approach 40 (yes, I will be forty years old next year), my perspective on life is shifting. As a younger person, I remember living to please others, needing their validation/approval. Now, I am at a point in my life, where the opinions of others do not mean as much. I'm learning how to be comfortable in my skin, after all life is short and the end of the day, I want to be proud of the life I chose live. So, the other day while I was shopping at Columbia Mall (I was reviewing music in my head from the Wiz) and it HIT me. It's like the light bulb came on! I began to reflect on the lyrics of the song: "Com'on ease on down, ease on down the road...don't you carry NOTHING that might be a load." FREEDOM!!! It was in that moment, I purposed to ease on down the road...no more struggling, no more contention but I would force myself to do things in ease - freedom from labor or pain! No MORE DIS-EASE! There is a road with my name on it, with your name on it and it is a path purposed for you. Despite whatever obstacles or obstructions you are facing, you can ease on down the road dumping everything that will hinder you! Who would have thought that the lyrics of a song from a musical could offer so much life?? Join me why don't you....EASE ON DOWN THE ROAD!!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
It's a good time to be alive! Today, I woke up pondering all of the blessings God has bestowed upon my life and I am grateful. Many doors are opening while simultaneously many are shutting. However, I am convinces this is a GREAT time to be alive. The last few days I have been inudated with many projects and new opportunities; much to my amazement things are faring well! Despite my tendency to be a perfectionist, I am learning to ENJOY this process...
The other day I mentioned to a friend of mine that as I approach 40 (yes, I will be forty years old next year), my perspective on life is shifting. As a younger person, I remember living to please others, needing their validation/approval. Now, I am at a point in my life, where the opinions of others do not mean as much. I'm learning how to be comfortable in my skin, after all life is short and the end of the day, I want to be proud of the life I chose live. So, the other day while I was shopping at Columbia Mall (I was reviewing music in my head from the Wiz) and it HIT me. It's like the light bulb came on! I began to reflect on the lyrics of the song: "Com'on ease on down, ease on down the road...don't you carry NOTHING that might be a load." FREEDOM!!! It was in that moment, I purposed to ease on down the road...no more struggling, no more contention but I would force myself to do things in ease - freedom from labor or pain! No MORE DIS-EASE! There is a road with my name on it, with your name on it and it is a path purposed for you. Despite whatever obstacles or obstructions you are facing, you can ease on down the road dumping everything that will hinder you! Who would have thought that the lyrics of a song from a musical could offer so much life?? Join me why don't you....EASE ON DOWN THE ROAD!!
Lending my voice,
Lady J
Friday, January 18, 2013
The Obscure Beginnings of a Great Movement
Good morning family,
As I stated in my last post, I made a commitment this year to blog at least once a week. So, here it goes...
"Every process has a beginning and end. Your beginning serves a great purpose"
The events leading up to the night of the showcase that would change my life forever were accompanied by feelings of anger, hurt and pain. I've often heard people use the analogy of "giving birth" when it comes to the visible manifestation of a dream or personal aspiration. The reality is this, I haven't given birth, but if the pain and labor I encountered is anything like what some of my sisters who are mothers have endured, I applaud your strength and endurance. Certainly, I don't speak in terms of physical pain but rather the intense emotional hurt and pain from such undertaking. One of the reasons, I waited so long to pen or publish my thoughts about my event is because of my intense desire to "protect" the innocent. As I write, I am careful to not to offend but rather share my story...my account or perspective of things that have directly impacted me because I am convinced people need to know they are not alone. No man is an island, no man stands alone. Hence, my intent is to release hope and strength to those in need. Certainly, I could write for entertainment purposes but I figure there is enough out there and now we have, Real Husbands of Hollywood...LOL!! Nonetheless, I choose to be a beacon of light and endurance.
It is true: obscure places can bring about great things in your life. My dream was birthed on the back of obscurity... As a child, I struggled tremendously with rejection especially among my peers and the need for this validation unfortunately found itself in my adulthood. It took on various manifestations and became less detectable as journeyed through... From extreme behavior such as wanting to be liked by everyone to being determined to be different. These extreme behavioral patterns are key indicators that something is lacking and that I was vying for attention. Much of my life, I turned to spirituality as certainly God was the only one who understood isolating myself from others - creating an even greater force field of rejection.
I was never completely certain about WHO I was as an artist/singer. I grew up exposed to Gospel music only and I have a strong musical background. Most of my family sings. However, I was the "least" of these. I remember getting so nervous when people would call me to sing that I would vomit before and after. I remember feelings of being light headed while on stage and lastly, how can I forget burping in the mic because of nerves. You see, I never thought I would sing. Although, I had been singing all the time, I didn't think I had much to offer because I didn't do ten thousand riffs like Kim Burrell or Darryl Coley. Plus, I wasn't convinced I had the capacity to really singing. Unfortunately, singing in the church became a laborious thing for me because I didn't measure up...I didn't make the cut. After all, my singing voice was mediocre. You see, I was told at a very tender age, that I was a mediocre singer and these words never left my mind. People, it's very important to remember just how powerful our words are especially when we are speaking to our children. I was a child and basically, my interpretation of that statement was that I didn't have the goods nor talent to sing at all. Those words left an indelible impression which planted seeds of doubt and fear - uncertainty. I would hear these words being echoed throughout my life as I was called upon to sing at church, school and special events. "You are average, just mediocre." Yet, this is a direct contradiction to what God says because the Bible says everything He made was good. In the eyes of my heavenly Father, He views my gift as extraordinary after all, I am an extension of Him! Funny thing is, He feels the same way about YOU! You are unique and special! Nobody can beat YOU at being YOU! Hear me, I'm not suggesting that we lie to people. There is a proper way (sensitivity to timing) to speak truth and most of us fail in this department rending our victims hopeless and without joy.
All the while what I fail to understand was this obscure place in my life was breeding ground to morph into something great, a great movement. Later, I discovered I was more than a singer, I was a voice - a creative artist and there is no one like me. I've been uniquely designed with greatness in mind...but it is not my doing, it is the hand of an awesome God. It is to Him, I render and give back my talents and ability. My obscurity was prime opportunity and while people around me rejected the unique gift, God was preparing me all the time for a special moment. He brought clarity and helped me understand that I was more than a gospel singer (trust me, I love the genre). He showed me the intent of my heart: to inspire and to give love; as such He uses me in any genre. My calling extents beyond the corridors of traditionalism and religion. Perhaps, this is why things were so obscure for me and for so long; however, this is a new paradigm, it's one that I've seen very few people set. I'm blazing a trail Purposed for me and this is why I had to put together a showcase. It wasn't just for mere entertainment alone...it was about finally come out of this murky and ambiguous place to publicly declare: I was born to defy gravity. I was born to exceed your expectations. I was to be a voice in the earth and my artistic expression is worship that I offer back to my Creator. As I perceive who He has destined me to be, my awareness is heightened and I'm provoked to endure; weakening the power of people's opinion and expectation of me ( those things become less important). I set my limits according to God's plan for my life and the sky is the limited!
The days leading up to a "Classy Evening with Lady Jesaira" were designed to push me in a corner, to silence my voice and to hinder the birthing of a great movement. However, I made a conscious decision to forgive, to pursue and to reject the words uttered to me during my youth. I chose to rise above it and to stay the course. A dear loved one nearly cursed me two days before my event and I held the phone determined to fight the tears, determined not be lured back into an unhealthy state. I used this disappointment, this pain as fuel to soar and I encourage you to do the same. The pursuit of purpose is not an easy one, perhaps finding your place is even harder but embrace the obscure seasons in your life because these humble beginnings translate into great movements if you allow them too. Channel your disappointments, choose to view them differently. There are some people who must walk away...let them. God will bring the right people into your life at the right time. I'm sure if you asked any person of great influence and impact, they will agree. It is the murky places of your heart and your soul that creates wonderful soil to manifest a harvest. Despise not your small beginnings, despise not the rejection you encountered, despise not the doors that were closed, despise not the people who left and despise not your own personal insecurities... I urge you, let these moments become a bridge-way to a great movement!
So, what's next? I'm planning an evening of Jazz and Neo Soul in May 2013 -"Lady Jesaira and Friends". Additionally, I'm going to record and release my first EP this year - "The Journey of Love". I'm excited and nervous but things are coming together. God is yet blowing my mind. More details to come...
Stay the course!
Until next time...lending my voice,
Lady J
As I stated in my last post, I made a commitment this year to blog at least once a week. So, here it goes...
"Every process has a beginning and end. Your beginning serves a great purpose"
The events leading up to the night of the showcase that would change my life forever were accompanied by feelings of anger, hurt and pain. I've often heard people use the analogy of "giving birth" when it comes to the visible manifestation of a dream or personal aspiration. The reality is this, I haven't given birth, but if the pain and labor I encountered is anything like what some of my sisters who are mothers have endured, I applaud your strength and endurance. Certainly, I don't speak in terms of physical pain but rather the intense emotional hurt and pain from such undertaking. One of the reasons, I waited so long to pen or publish my thoughts about my event is because of my intense desire to "protect" the innocent. As I write, I am careful to not to offend but rather share my story...my account or perspective of things that have directly impacted me because I am convinced people need to know they are not alone. No man is an island, no man stands alone. Hence, my intent is to release hope and strength to those in need. Certainly, I could write for entertainment purposes but I figure there is enough out there and now we have, Real Husbands of Hollywood...LOL!! Nonetheless, I choose to be a beacon of light and endurance.
It is true: obscure places can bring about great things in your life. My dream was birthed on the back of obscurity... As a child, I struggled tremendously with rejection especially among my peers and the need for this validation unfortunately found itself in my adulthood. It took on various manifestations and became less detectable as journeyed through... From extreme behavior such as wanting to be liked by everyone to being determined to be different. These extreme behavioral patterns are key indicators that something is lacking and that I was vying for attention. Much of my life, I turned to spirituality as certainly God was the only one who understood isolating myself from others - creating an even greater force field of rejection.
I was never completely certain about WHO I was as an artist/singer. I grew up exposed to Gospel music only and I have a strong musical background. Most of my family sings. However, I was the "least" of these. I remember getting so nervous when people would call me to sing that I would vomit before and after. I remember feelings of being light headed while on stage and lastly, how can I forget burping in the mic because of nerves. You see, I never thought I would sing. Although, I had been singing all the time, I didn't think I had much to offer because I didn't do ten thousand riffs like Kim Burrell or Darryl Coley. Plus, I wasn't convinced I had the capacity to really singing. Unfortunately, singing in the church became a laborious thing for me because I didn't measure up...I didn't make the cut. After all, my singing voice was mediocre. You see, I was told at a very tender age, that I was a mediocre singer and these words never left my mind. People, it's very important to remember just how powerful our words are especially when we are speaking to our children. I was a child and basically, my interpretation of that statement was that I didn't have the goods nor talent to sing at all. Those words left an indelible impression which planted seeds of doubt and fear - uncertainty. I would hear these words being echoed throughout my life as I was called upon to sing at church, school and special events. "You are average, just mediocre." Yet, this is a direct contradiction to what God says because the Bible says everything He made was good. In the eyes of my heavenly Father, He views my gift as extraordinary after all, I am an extension of Him! Funny thing is, He feels the same way about YOU! You are unique and special! Nobody can beat YOU at being YOU! Hear me, I'm not suggesting that we lie to people. There is a proper way (sensitivity to timing) to speak truth and most of us fail in this department rending our victims hopeless and without joy.
All the while what I fail to understand was this obscure place in my life was breeding ground to morph into something great, a great movement. Later, I discovered I was more than a singer, I was a voice - a creative artist and there is no one like me. I've been uniquely designed with greatness in mind...but it is not my doing, it is the hand of an awesome God. It is to Him, I render and give back my talents and ability. My obscurity was prime opportunity and while people around me rejected the unique gift, God was preparing me all the time for a special moment. He brought clarity and helped me understand that I was more than a gospel singer (trust me, I love the genre). He showed me the intent of my heart: to inspire and to give love; as such He uses me in any genre. My calling extents beyond the corridors of traditionalism and religion. Perhaps, this is why things were so obscure for me and for so long; however, this is a new paradigm, it's one that I've seen very few people set. I'm blazing a trail Purposed for me and this is why I had to put together a showcase. It wasn't just for mere entertainment alone...it was about finally come out of this murky and ambiguous place to publicly declare: I was born to defy gravity. I was born to exceed your expectations. I was to be a voice in the earth and my artistic expression is worship that I offer back to my Creator. As I perceive who He has destined me to be, my awareness is heightened and I'm provoked to endure; weakening the power of people's opinion and expectation of me ( those things become less important). I set my limits according to God's plan for my life and the sky is the limited!
The days leading up to a "Classy Evening with Lady Jesaira" were designed to push me in a corner, to silence my voice and to hinder the birthing of a great movement. However, I made a conscious decision to forgive, to pursue and to reject the words uttered to me during my youth. I chose to rise above it and to stay the course. A dear loved one nearly cursed me two days before my event and I held the phone determined to fight the tears, determined not be lured back into an unhealthy state. I used this disappointment, this pain as fuel to soar and I encourage you to do the same. The pursuit of purpose is not an easy one, perhaps finding your place is even harder but embrace the obscure seasons in your life because these humble beginnings translate into great movements if you allow them too. Channel your disappointments, choose to view them differently. There are some people who must walk away...let them. God will bring the right people into your life at the right time. I'm sure if you asked any person of great influence and impact, they will agree. It is the murky places of your heart and your soul that creates wonderful soil to manifest a harvest. Despise not your small beginnings, despise not the rejection you encountered, despise not the doors that were closed, despise not the people who left and despise not your own personal insecurities... I urge you, let these moments become a bridge-way to a great movement!
So, what's next? I'm planning an evening of Jazz and Neo Soul in May 2013 -"Lady Jesaira and Friends". Additionally, I'm going to record and release my first EP this year - "The Journey of Love". I'm excited and nervous but things are coming together. God is yet blowing my mind. More details to come...
Stay the course!
Until next time...lending my voice,
Lady J
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Hey there!
Hello friends!
It's a NEW YEAR and I have yet to write...well, I'm making a commitment to post once a week. :-)
So much transpired since my last post. I had my first showcase and it was a tremendous success; although, I would be lying if I said it didn't come at a tremendous cost. I lost a dear friendship and I don't think it will be repaired. Additionally, I experienced major disappointment at the hands of family members. However, I was determined to complete the project and I'm proud to announce: IT IS FINISHED. Many of the lessons I learned from the experience cannot be recounted in one post...it will take several other to express the growth I encountered by taking on such an august task.
Today, I was reminded of the need to consistently use my "voice" in this forum as an opportunity to share my story. It is my hope and desire that someone else will experience renewed strength as they read about my real life encounters. It is true: the testimony of ONE can save the lives of many...
It's a NEW YEAR and I have yet to write...well, I'm making a commitment to post once a week. :-)
So much transpired since my last post. I had my first showcase and it was a tremendous success; although, I would be lying if I said it didn't come at a tremendous cost. I lost a dear friendship and I don't think it will be repaired. Additionally, I experienced major disappointment at the hands of family members. However, I was determined to complete the project and I'm proud to announce: IT IS FINISHED. Many of the lessons I learned from the experience cannot be recounted in one post...it will take several other to express the growth I encountered by taking on such an august task.
Today, I was reminded of the need to consistently use my "voice" in this forum as an opportunity to share my story. It is my hope and desire that someone else will experience renewed strength as they read about my real life encounters. It is true: the testimony of ONE can save the lives of many...
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