Defying Gravity

As I approach one of the biggest fulfillment's in my life, I face a brick wall.  After several months of preparation and planning for my first showcase, I am struggling with seeing the vision.  For the last several nights, I have not slept well, I'm tossing and turning wondering, wishing and hoping. I've gained a few pounds  and thought to myself, "Wow, really Jesaira.  How did you get back here?" My soul is in turmoil because the vision looks blurry and those who I thought would support and believe, haven't.  Can I be very honest??  Sure, I can...it's my blog...  pursuing your GOD given dream is NOT easy and it's not a journey for punks.  This journey towards what God said has been costly and extremely lonely.  Not many people understand, nor seek to understand the plight.  It is much easier to sit back and passively allow life and opportunities to pass you by.   I'm doing this showcase because my Creator, God inspired me to do such....He encouraged me to soar like an eagle, to defy the limitations and opinions of people and to be ALL He has created me to be.  Well, I've had an epiphany (call it naivety) but I now I realize there are some people around who are not necessarily fond of what God has for you...some people call them haters, others call them blockers and since this is new to me, I call them misinformed.  I am reminded of my ongoing struggle - my human deficiency to still desire the acceptance and approval of my peers/colleagues.  Oh well, help Jesus!  Back to my point, only those who are misinformed and removed from their own personal dreams, would discourage others who dream.  This mentality is an open door to ignorance and I would prefer to say ignorance versus someone hating on me.  Often, the things we don't understand, we mishandle.  And this experience is teaching me that many people mishandle what they see because they don't understand, they are misinformed. Additionally, this journey is teaching that everyone is not meant to understand your plight; as such, the focus should not be on trying to get those aboard who don't understand or who don't see it.  Rather, it's more advantageous for me to spend time, investing in the assignment, the charge God has given me to be a creative being and to be a source of hope for others.  In doing so, God will fund my dreams and take charge of the rest and will send the support - the people He desires to be in my space during this crucial time of delivery.

So, as I seriously contemplate Nov. 3rd - whether or not to proceed, I am reminded of what initiated all of this....the words from a song that God spoke to my heart..."Jesaira, I created you to DEFY GRAVITY.  To soar beyond the expectations and opinions of others.  You are a VOICE, a voice designed to impact many.  Use your voice to make a difference."  Recently, a friend of mine said, "minimize, devalue the opinions of others and maximize God's opinion more."

Several months back, I received an email from Tyler Perry;s office (standard email blasts) and he shared his story...he had absolutely nothing and many didn't believe in him.  Now, he is the highest paid actor in Hollywood, making $139 million dollars last year.  Not bad Tyler.  Although, he receives many criticisms from people in the industry (another story for another day), I admire ANYONE who goes from nothing to something great because of their personal dream and vision.  After the dream, it is very important to visualize what you have dreamed about and I believe Tyler did that...he was relentless in his pursuit and he was determined despite what he saw with his natural eye to manifest the dream.  Tyler tapped into the plan of God which caused his faith to be activated; suddenly, Tyler began to see with his spiritual eyes.  Now I feel and sense the presence of God asking me as He did Jeremiah, "What do you see?".  Well, my honest response is I don't know but I realize the gifts and the talents I have are not my own; therefore, God has the august responsibility to take care of HIS own.  So, it shall be according to my faith...Lord, I believe....
I will wait upon you, Lord and YOU shall renew my strength.  You have anointed me and therefore, I will mount up on wings as an EAGLE, to run and not grow weary, to walk and NEVER faint, Isaiah 40:31 and it is with these words, I am encouraged to take flight, fly, soar and DEFY GRAVITY.

Defying Gravity (from the musical Wicked)

Something has changed within me...

Something is not the same...

I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game.

Too late for second guessing, too late to go back to sleep...

It's time to TRUST my INSTINCTS, close my eyes

And LEAP...

It's time to try defying gravity,

I think I'll try defying gravity

And You can't hold me down....

Lending my voice,

Lady Jesaira

Growing Pains

A lot has happened and transpired over the last few months...too much to chronicle at this time but I wrote a poem today to kind of sum up where I am and I wanted to share it with you....

GROWING PAINS

 

Measured by the yard stick, growth spurt seems normal

 

Yet the winds of life – the ebbs and the flows stunt what I feel

 

Throbbing, excruciating pain overwhelming my knees, legs and back of my thighs

 

With each step, the more intense it becomes, weighty and not disguised

 

Water rises, heart races and then sudden defeat

 

Years gone by and time awastin’, growth has ceased

 

Or has it really…could it just be

 

Growing pains expanding my stride?

Lending my voice,

Lady J

GO WITH THE FLOW...

A friend of mine posted on her FB page her desire to listen to IndiaAire and I believe her post was the motivation behind this blog entry... India Aire wrote a song that has a tag/vamp: "Go with the FLOW"

There is something to be said for the individual who learns how to work smarter and not harder.  Sometimes, we try absolutely too hard to make things happen for us.  From relationships to careers, every component of our life has its' own rhythm and flow.  Toward the end of last year, I began to meditate on the word rhythm and cadence.  Life has a rhythm, it is filled with ebbs and flows, ups and downs, hills, peaks and valleys.  Many times we try to force things that are not designed to work for us.  There are some relationships, some people who were never designed to be in our inner circle, they were never purposed to "get" us...  There are some career opportunities that are not a perfect fit...some situations that would result in more harm than good.  You can't fit a square peg in round hole but many times we try under the guise of "making it work".  ATTENTION PLEASE..."making it work" doesn't always work!  I submit to you as I have come to know, life is full of adventure some good and bad...life is comprised of making good decisions and well as bad...life is filled with rejection and acceptance.  However, at the end of the day what's destined for you will happen...what's destined for me will happen.  So, relax, no need to compare yourself to another...no need to be anxious, jealous or in a frenzy...  All things will work out according to God's purpose and design for your life.  Here's the other thing: everybody has a different rhythm and flow.  Times and seasons bring about different things and learning how to submit to the cadence of life is our responsibility.  If you listen to the drum beat of life, it will guide you to your next step...it will be your lead-in and safely secure you.  However, being tuned in comes from being connected to a Source much bigger, much greater than you...God the Father.  He is the ultimate conductor and each musical section is under His orchestration.  If we can trust Him and understand He has our best interest in mind, we would truly prosper and succeed.  As much as I would like to think I have the final say, I really don't.  My responsibility to go with the flow...  To flow suggests relaxing and lending yourself to vulnerability...the struggle is over when you yield to the flow...  Once we submit to the flow, things will naturally fall into sync... The Harmony of life will come as we flow...

SO.....

Trust the process because the Creator knows the end from the beginning.  For my single ladies... if you desire marriage...just wait...trust and believe it will happen.  If you desire to succeed in your career...do what you know to do BUT after that REST and trust the FLOW!  Whatever your desire is...God knows it, the UNIVERSE is aware of it...however, trust the SOURCE...trust God the Father to work it out and JUST GO WITH THE FLOW as India Aire so eloquently coined the phase.

Lending My Voice,

Lady J

FIT just for Him

Hey everyone!

It's been awhile since I have blogged, yet, a lot has happened and changed in my life.

I'm learning a very valuable lesson about love.  Love is not always convenient, many times it isn't.  But it is the test of our love that really marks our level of maturation.  Maturation and acceptance of others is ultimately a result of self love and acceptance.    As such, I feel it necessary to expose some vulnerable areas in my life that perhaps will bless or help encourage others.  So, lately, I've been struggling with insecurity and the need for validation; as such, I have put back on some pounds that I released...Folks, weight loss is connected to much more than FOOD...believe that!!   I'm not afraid to expose me because I have absolutely nothing to lose...I am not perfect, like everyone else I'm a work in progress.  But I recognize the pursuit of purpose and destiny fills a void....without purpose, my heart feels void and no matter who or what I turn too, it is incapable of meeting my need.  As much as I've prided myself on being an independent thinker and self reliant, I realize there's some ways in my heart which require cleansing.  Recently, I've returned back to understanding that I'm absolutely nothing without Christ.  I am not self-sufficient at all; as a matter of fact, God is the SOURCE of all of my strength and sometimes, we get in the way of our progression becoming our own biggest enemy.  My security and validation is wrapped up in the ONE who created me and knows all there is to know about me; as I pursue Him, my life becomes complete and my insecurities dissipate...

Just wanna encourage you to believe in yourself...but first believe in the ONE who created you.  No matter what, He knows what you need and He knows how to make it happen for you.  Last night, I attended a church service and the preacher inspired me to stay on the path I believe God has purposed for me.  I don't have to announce who I am anymore because my works will precede me...Also, I don't have to push my way.  Lastly, I'm learning that I am not meant for every circle...some circles are just not for me and guess what it's okay. Sometimes,  I was born and raised in the church but I despise religion.  I believe in personal relationship with Christ and I believe Christ impacts my life and makes the difference. My way of thinking is unconventional to many and I realize going against the grain isn't popular; many times it is frowned upon.   I'm realizing more and more God made me uniquely.  Sometimes, peer pressure will make you feel bad about who you are but I realize I'm different.  Different is good and I realize my uniqueness is a great offering.  It's a uniqueness that bridges the gap and brings different types of people together.  I feel like I'm been given the unique ability to see good in most people and I strive embrace people right where they are.  Well, this isn't popular...many times we cast judgement and lack the empathy necessary to be a blessing to others.  People are drawn to authenticity and our love, bottom line.  I empathize with others because I am in touch with my idiosyncrasies and shortcomings. I AM NOT PERFECT!

I've never been one to conform or  look to others for answers...  This is good to some extent and in another sense not so good but God is teaching me how to discern when I'm being difficult and need to comply.  Compliance isn't always a bad thing...once more, I am learning it is not necessary to announce myself...I'm letting my works speak. Basically, I guess what I'm saying life is reminding me of the need to let God be my source of security and validation.  His love for me is perfect and it doesn't waver.  While I may look for love in the wrong places and in imbalanced relationships, He facilitates and meets all of my needs!  EVERY NEED - emotional, physical, spiritual, relational and psychological.  I don't have to "FIT" in...as long as I realize I'm "FIT" enough for Him that's all that matters.  Just wanna encourage you in the same manner.  When you stop trying to fit in and just be, God will bring the right people, the right relationships and the right opportunities to you.  I'm determined to stay on track with my weight loss and exercise regimen.  I'm FIT because HE accepts me just as I am and SO are you!  What He created is good and He doesn't make mistakes.  People may improperly assess who you are but it's okay because you are FIT enough...there is a strategic place for both you and I in the Earth and God will use man to help us but our security will come as we accept who He has made us to be!  It's gravy, baby....

Lending my voice,

Lady J

Sshhh....Be quiet!

Are you overwhelmed by the noise in your life?  Have you ever been exhausted by the outward chatter and inward angst?  Tired of the voices in your head that scream: "You will never make it!", "You have screwed up this time!", "What were you thinking?"  Every where you turn someone has something to say
about your life and the choices you've made...  Do you ever feel like telling everybody to leave you alone??  I know I haven't been the wisest and I know I've missed the mark several times (no, many times) but who hasn't?  I'm far from perfection yet, I am being perfected (matured) everyday through life experiences.  Yet, I still hear the noise from every mistake and every wrong turn. Hindsight is always 20/20 and I've learned the greater lesson...to never repeat THAT mistake again. Yet, I hear my inner world and my external surroundings speaking without end and the noise is clouding my ability to hear, to see the bigger picture...

Life for me ain't been no crystal stair..but I keep climbing and somehow in the midst of all the clutter and distortion, I am convinced EVERYTHING is going to be alright...  Somehow I see hope and light at the end of this tunnel!

So, join me will you? Take a deep breath: inhale, then exhale and say "Sshhh..be quiet".  

Much love and many blessings,

Lady J

The Art of Bouncing Back...

So, I can't resist the temptation and allow the day to go by without saying: " I AM NOT DEFEATED!!"  As a matter of fact, I am a winner and every attempt to smash me or knock me down is rendered VOID and of NO real impact!!  You see, life has a way of bringing you curve balls and the devil has a way of adding his two cents by planting negative seeds to suggest you are a failure.  However, I am here to boldly announce there is absolutely NOTHING that can hold us back IF we believe it!

Last night, I had an personal encounter that changed my life!  Life is full of insightful moments, only if we listen and pay attention!  Why am I so adamant??  Well, I'm tired of seeing people (including myself) suffer internally and even externally because of torment!  Torment is NOT of God, as a matter of fact, it is a nasty plot of the enemy to steal your joy, to rob you of peace and to take your mind!  Life is too precious and there is too much to live for.

So, what is my admonishment today...well, simply put...as LL Cool J would say, " I'm making a COMEBACK!"  Not only am I coming back but I am bouncing back...taking my rightful place and standing in confidence knowing THIS TOO SHALL PASS!  Friends, please know the same in your lives.  Hurtful situations, bad decisions and people with ill motives have LOST their power over me and I encourage you to strip them of their power by determining to STAY IN THE RACE!!  Don't fold, don't compromise and don't be a PUNK!  Stand up, square your backs and FIGHT!!  Look in that mirror and say to yourself: "I am a winner and every disappointment is opportunity for future advancement!"

I'm reminded of a large inflated doll with a bottom base.  When the doll is hit, it goes backward and maybe even to the side, back and forth BUT it's foundation is sturdy enough for it NOT to fall completely to the ground.   And like that inflated doll, we cannot fall to the ground when our foundation is sturdy, when it's secure and when we stand knowing who we are in confidence.  You may have been sucker punch, like I have been BUT the pain will not last forever.  This TOO shall pass!  LOL!!!  I love it!  Put on your gear and speak the words of its' DESTRUCTION AND DEMISE...put it (whatever IT is) to death with the power of your words and then walk on in victory!! You can make it and you are a WINNER!

The Art of bouncing back happens in 4 phases:

1.  Release the negative - whatever happened...LET IT GO!!  Acknowledge it but quickly release it because to hold on TOO long is to compromise your place and to position yourself for a setback.  NOT!  Let it go!
2.  Embracing the positive - believe what is positive.  If you believe better days are coming, better days will!  Reject the thoughts that you are no good and embrace good things - what does the Bible say?  Find inspirational material and SPEAK positive affirmations daily!
3.  Focus on YOU - Do something you've always wanted to do!  Pursue a new hobby, meet somebody new, go out on the date and give that person a chance!  Pamper yourself (this applies to both ladies and men)...pamper yourself...love on YOU. As you do, you will in turn, remain a healthy YOU!
4.  Bounce back and MOVE!!! - And then return to the ring again and HIT life with your best shot of positivity, hope and courage.  Be bold, be courageous and GET IN THERE AGAIN!!  Don't let nothing or no one keep you hindered!  See it for what it is BUT MOVE!  If someone hurt you, return the favor by forgiving them and that will diminish their power over you!  Hahaha!!

I love it! I hope you can benefit from this admonishment today.  I apologize in advance but my eyes are open and I see clearly now the rain is gone. I am raising my voice today, declaring a different standard!  We will live and NOT die! My life is headed in the right direction and SO is yours!!!!

Signing off...

Lending my voice,

Lady J

The Gift of Celebration

Tonight was probably one of the BEST evenings I've had in a very long time.  It was refreshing and just plain 'ole fun!  After a week of many tragedies and life challenges, tonight I decided to celebrate.  Yes, Valentine's Day is just another day but for me this year was the best! Why?  Well, the gift of celebration accompanied with girl talk and a good time brought me joy and peace!!

Well, I went to a wonderful local comedy club this evening and boy I laugh!  Sidebar, let me say, I think comedians are SO cool!  Funny men are so attractive!  Give me a man who makes me laugh any day and I am in heaven!! Sorry, for the side bar!  LOL!  At any rate, anyone who knows me personally know I have a big laugh.  I laughed so much and so loud the comedian began to pick on me.  As he did, I laughed even more - the crowd begin to laugh at me because of my laughter!  LOLOLOL!!!  I enjoy laughing, it is extremely therapeutic for me.  It releases stress in my life and brings me to a calm space.  Additionally, laughter carries a healing agent and a sense of comfort along with it!  The comedians were great, the crowd was fun and the experience was something new and I embraced it with open arms!!

So, a part of the comedian's act included talking about single-hood and initially, I shouted out from the audience: "NO!"  I thought, "Man, just do your jokes and sit down."  The comedian was a single man, never been married with NO kids and he was puzzled about where to go to find good women...  First, of all, I yelled out "OMG, are you serious?!?"  And then, I begin to clap (yes, this is during his act),  I gave him a thunderous applause and begin to think, "Now, where have YOU been all my life."  Ladies, HE WAS A CUTIE!  :-)   Okay, let me focus...  Being a single woman isn't always easy, nor is it always fun (can I be real?).  Sshhh...Don't judge me.  :-)  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my independence and ability to come and go as I please.  However, I will be the first to acknowledge there are some lonely days while on the journey.  And quite frankly, the commercialism and hype of Valentine's Day can sometimes wear on you, BAM, it's right there in your face!  Before you know it, you are in a closet sobbing because you don't have that "special" someone.  The joys of single-hood!! :-)  This year, I purposed I would NOT be that girl!  I treated myself ALL DAY and made NO apologies for it!!  I love being a lady and I love being me...

I'm learning how to pursue wholeness as I date.  In other words, I am learning from each dating experience, nothing falls to the ground!  Everything counts!!!  Truly, to be single is to be whole...  The word single suggests wholeness and oneness.  As I date, I learn something new and I am grateful to be in a place to candidly share my story.  I may offend some with my transparency but this is who I am.  If I can't be me, I'm suggesting to my Creator He made a mistake when He created me.  We are all unique and special, that's just HIS way!  He gives us the personality traits and abilities.  No, I'm not perfect but I'm okay as long as I'm willing to demonstrate a desire to improve.  I'm learning to draw from the inner strength I have....the gift of celebration!  When I celebrate and love myself, it helps me to keep the right perspective as I date - a healthy one.  The dating world is not an easy one to navigate BUT it does get easier when we learn valuable lessons from the encounters we have. Life is a classroom, if we just play attention, we will advance far and learn much!  Sometimes,  I feel like men are just as confused as the women are.  However,  everyone wants love, everyone wants to feel loved by that significant "other" at the end of the day.  It's not a terrible desire, it's an honorable one!  It's a desire I believe God put within us all.   However, we have to learn how to celebrate WHERE we are in our singleness and WHO we are!

So, tonight, I embraced the gift of celebration and the joys of friendship, laughter and girl talk!  Being with trustworthy friends is a wonderful way to celebrate Valentine's Day...it ain't that bad after all!  One day, I will celebrate with Mr. Man but until then, I am learning to be content just where I am and having a BLAST while doing it!!!  Hey, I encourage you to do the same!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY EVERYBODY!!  LOVE YA!

Lending my voice,

Lady J

Moving forward...

One of the most challenging things to do in life is learning how to move forward!  The older I get, the more obvious this reality becomes.  Many times, we allow fear to cloud our view and give us a negative perspective of who we are and what we are looking at.  It's in moments like these, I am reminded to ascend to higher place and look down.  It is from an ascended place, I see clearly.  It is true that as an airplane elevates thousands upon thousands of feet above the clouds, the view becomes clearer and sky is beautiful and bright!

Fear is the enemy of success in families, in our careers, love relationships, friendships, and health, just to name a few.  Ultimately, fear is designed to sabotage. When you closely examine fear, you realize it is the enemy of your soul...it is the REAL enemy.  While it could be argued that fear is a good thing, I am not referring to fear from a reverential perspective. Certainly, that type of fear has its' place.  However, I'm referring to fear from the perspective of hesitancy, resistance, insecurity, rejection - those lies that hold us captive to unhealthy emotions, unhealthy relationships and unhealthy responses.

Traditionally, it has been known to say the opposite of fear is courage.  However, I'm inclined to disagree.  In my experiences and opinion, I've found LOVE to be the opposite of fear.  To properly assess, your inability to move forward, one must assess WHY.  Many times, "the" why is rooted in low-self esteem, heartache, disappointment, anxiety, rejection, misunderstanding and yes, there are others.  Why are we so inclined to withdraw or to drawback from things, situations, people that will ultimately make us better?  Why do we offer excuses for not being healthy - spirit, soul and body?  And why do we blame others for our lack or inability to move forward?  If we possessed the right SELF-PERSPECTIVE...we would respond differently.  Currently, I am taking a course in Human Sexuality and I must say, this course has challenged me on SO MANY levels!  However, the author points out the different styles of love and our natural tendencies to operate in them based on who we are.  One of the styles of love is defined as "agape" and personally, I've learned about this love in church.  However, I didn't really see it in action until I learned HOW to receive love from my Creator.  As I embraced His love for me,  it taught me HOW to love myself.  Fear says that I am not worthy, so I can't move forward.  But love says, you are worthy, not because of what you've done or haven't done...you're worthy just because.  Everything in creation was created good and God accepts us where we are, His love isn't predicated upon what we do and what we don't do.  His demonstration of love towards us is that He gave....  In other words, I guess I am inclined to believe that until we truly love ourselves through Him, we will not walk in uninhibited places of freedom and victory.  We will always be stifled and we will continue to repeat vicious cycles.  It takes risk to move forward, it takes risk to love, it takes risks to begin again but if you love yourself, you will understand why it's necessary.

FORGIVE yourself. That's right!  If you made a bad decision?  So, what!?!  It's done, it's over.  Perhaps, you thought it was the best thing at the time and so did I.  Been there, done that!   Release your self from the personal disappointment you've encountered.  Life is a learning experience and every situation matters.  It is an opportunity to help someone else, it's an opportunity to share your story.  This is a process, I am working on right now...learning to forgive myself means I accept the past decisions I've made, be it good or bad / right or wrong.  I'm learning to live GUILT-FREE!  We cannot afford to drown in the sea of regret!!  Regret is also a terrible enemy.  It happened, it happened for a reason, NOW, pick yourself up and move forward... No back paddling here!  :-)   There is something to be said for trying something new, stepping into unknown, uncharted territories.  There is something to be said about having the courage to do something you've never done before.   I dare you...I dare you to challenge yourself and to boldly go where no man has gone before!  Thank you Star Trek :-)  Take heart and DO it afraid!  Eventually, the fear will dissipate and love will abound!!

Today, I am very introspective as I face many decisions, many opportunities, and many failures.  However, I am determined to continue to love me and to give myself the opportunity, the chance and the motivation to continue to move forward.  Friends, don't allow anything, anyone or any situation paralyze or stunt your growth.  Care enough to love you and take the risk...move forward, I promise you there is something wonderful awaiting your arrival!

Thank you for allowing me to share myself with you....

Lending my voice,

Lady J