Blemished but Flawless

Good morning, family!

I started this blog over a year ago while I was on tour and now I finally feel like it's time to release it so here it goes....

10/19/2011
After a day filled with intense rehearsal and arduous coursework, It's 3:34am and I am still awake.  I can't sleep, so I decided to write.  There is something very therapeutic about writing your thoughts and expressing yourself on paper.

Right now, I am in FL rehearsing for Menopause the Musical in Concert Tour and I've had a lot of time to think. Making the decision to accept this job wasn't an easy one but I do believe it was a God-ordained opportunity.  As such, I'm here and we will see where this journey takes us...

After I showered and began to prepare for bed this evening, I stopped to look at myself in the mirror.  Glaring back at me was something quite embarrassing and bothersome.  I began to examine, my flawed-blemished skin  as I have many, many times before.  I begin to reflect on how many medications I have received to treat my "flawed skin" and how none of them have seemed to work.   My most recent visit to the dermatologist was so depressing that I decided not to return. Not only was I humiliated but the doctor was so rude and insensitive that I vowed to never go back.  This original post was over a year ago....

FAST FORWARD TO NOW.....

2/5/2013
Skin care is important to most women and when you work in entertainment it is critical!!  Well, beautiful skin has been a fair weathered friend, something I've longed to achieve. My skin now is the worst it's ever been!!  :-(  As a teen, I remember being so insecure about my skin....I felt people where just living for the moments to point out the flawed areas of my skin.  While people would always compliment my teeth and my smile, I always knew people paid attention to my skin.  For many years, I struggled with accepting the fact that I was beautiful after all my skin was blemished full of acne...and I had a huge birthmark on my neck....ugh!! The moment I decided to pursue entertainment, I kept hearing "you will never make it because you are not pretty enough plus you're fat!"  One day I heard God speak to my heart and He challenged me to go outside without make up.,.,what?!  Are you serious???  No!!  I have to cover up everything!  He challenged me once again and said "what are you covering up?? What do you have to hide?  I love just the way you are and I want you to love yourself unconditionally." You see, everything that God created was good, He saw it was good because it ultimately is an extension of Him.  So that day I refused to put on makeup - I mean no make up!!  I felt extremely vulnerable and embarrassed but at the same time I was freed!!!  Freedom is becoming my portion in this area of my life and for the first time, I refused to hide from myself.  He reminded me of our conversation back in Florida, October 2011.  I saw myself just for who I was and although my skin wasn't perfect, there was something perfect about me just being me.  He didn't make a mistake...the Sovereign Lord does all things well!  He wanted me to be assured that there was something just right about Jesaira and I should not desire to change it but rather commit to embracing me even in my imperfections...  (Next time you see me, please don't stare at my face to view my flaws....that's just plain rude).  

Whats my point??  Well, I still struggle to this day to have perfect skin but I've learned to love me in spite of it all because external things don't define me exclusively.  There's more to me than my skin. Just like I am not my hair....I am not this skin either...I'm not your expectation-nope!  I am the soul that lives within!!  I'm learning to embrace me with every idiosyncrasy and deficiency; and although I'm blemished in many ways, I'm flawless before my Creator!!  And so are you my friends!!  He alone has the ability to fix the flawed, blemished areas of the heart, the soul.  Our responsibility is to love ourselves unconditionally...why?  If God can invest Himself in us and give of Himself...why can't I accept this truth and abide in peace.  Yea, I'm blemished but in His presence I'm flawless, wonderfully and fearfully made.  I am beautiful AND so are YOU!!

Lending my voice,

Lady J