Let's talk about SEX!!

Let's talk about sex baby, let's talk about you and me....let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that maybe, let's about sex...SO let's talk about it!! I decided to be a little spicy because last couple of weeks, I haven't had as many page views as my first post and I want you to read my post.  Read and be engaged... :-) Anyway, I guess I enjoy opening my blogs with song titles each week because I am a singer first and I connect immediately music and lyrics.  I hope the title grabbed your attention.  Well, by virtue of the fact you are reading this blog right now, I believe it did....

So, let's talk about SEX, a popular song by the group, Salt & Pepa back in the 90's (I believe).  So, if you are waiting for me to disclose my sexual experiences, I don't think I'm ready to do that (T.M.I.) BUT I will talk about Surviving the EX.  Yep, that's right, I'm talking about S.E.X. - moving forward after the EX.

Last couple of years, my dating relationships have been extremely interesting!  YES, I date (for all who may be shocked), I date and I have a wonderful time meeting new, beautiful men and getting free meals (when I can)!  There are some many different types of men - the assertive one, the shy one, the rich one, the educated one, the egotistical one, the gorgeous one, the healthy one, the sweet one, the fly brother, the make you wanna smack your mama brotha....Lawd Jesus, I can go on and on...God did a good thing when He created men!    And WELL, then, there is the insecure one, the boring one, the not-so-cute but has a nice heart one, the extremely obese one, the need help with dress one, the one with bad breath, the broke one, the one who fears commitment, the immature one and the CONFUSED one....  Well, unfortunately, I've been running into some "confused" brothers...confused about their desires, confused about their sexuality, confused about life in general!  Be clear this is not a male bashing session because I absolutely LOVE men!  My, my, I'm getting excited...  LOL!  However, I acknowledge and realize that male/female relationships are not easy, especially when you are dating and learning about a person.   So, back to my point about confusion - it's cool to be confused but to stay confused is another matter altogether....somebody say, "UNHEALTHY!!"

As I stated earlier, I've been dating - meeting a lot of good men and meeting a lot of bad ones at the same time.  However, I discovered, sometimes the bad ones are not always as visible or detectable as we would like to believe or even have been taught to discern.  Sometimes, the character or lack thereof shows up after several months or so of dating.  And sometimes, it shows up immediately and if that case, BELIEVE what YOU SEE...it's real!!

So, I met a very attractive guy was REALLY into him and I thought he was into me as well.  We had a wonderful connection, on all levels!  Great communication, great chemistry, very attractive, intelligent, all of these good qualities, any woman wants.  However, we had a major problem - he was very inconsistent in his actions which released confusion in our relationship and when we communicated about it, we argued instead. I really tried to understand his perspective and I believe women should always seek to understand and communicate with men.  At the end of the day, I believe we all want the same thing - we just communicate very DIFFERENTLY and we have different expectations!!!

We dated off and on for almost 9 months.  There were things I accepted about him because I saw beyond the external, heck I saw his potential.  But listen ladies, you can "see" potential ALL you want, unless HE believes in HIMSELF...he will not demonstrate or show forth that potential.  It wasn't enough for me to believe in him because he was confused and his state of confusion created damage and hurt in our relationship.  I acknowledge, I stuck around for some time because perhaps I was afraid of being alone (did I say that??); however, I realized, "Hey Jesaira, there are other men fish in the sea!"  LOL!!!!  LOL!!!!  Long story short, I decided to end the relationship and here is the motivation behind this post!

My ego was a little bruised because I allowed this gentleman to enter my personal space and he took up time and once you lose time, heck you can't get it back!  And to some extent, I was emotionally connected.   Lastly, I was praying and hoping for the brother!   :-)  Ladies, confusion really is NOT of God...it really isn't and we can not allow men to come into our atmospheres, our living space and release confusion.  Confusion is a negative energy which cripples and impedes progress!  So, let's talk about SEX!  I'm moving on and out.  Here's my philosophy, when things don't work out, SURVIVE the EX.  How do we "survive" the ex?  Here's are my thoughts:

1.  First of all, determine within yourself - I will SURVIVE!!  Moving forward consist of being resilient and determined to LIVE...to live a life that is best suited for you and not to let the "EX" have power.  Don't stay mad about it, get glad and MOVE forward!
2.  Acknowledge YOUR part in the relationship and LEARN from it.  Sometimes experience is a great teacher...don't despise the experience, LEARN from it and then help others.
3.  Be willing to take another RISK!  Sometimes, true love isn't so easy to believe for and find.  Wait on it and get out there again - some people are just NOT compatible and it's okay....
4.  Create a list of non-negotiable qualities
5.  Lastly, bring CLOSURE.  Accept the relationship for where it is and keep it there.  If it's dead, let is STAY dead, don't try to resurrect something that's unhealthy!  It's a closed chapter in the book of your life and it's all good because there is more to be written!!

Listen, y'all - I ain't mad, I'm GOOD...I just wanted to share my story because somebody needed to hear this today.  Ladies and men, KNOW your worth!  Don't ever settle for second best, when BEST is waiting out there...just wait for space, time and opportunity - once they collide you will discover what you've been looking for.  One of my male friends told me that sometimes men don't know what they want and truth be told, sometimes women DON'T either...can I just be real?!?!  However, I am committed to working on being clear about what I want and my desires...we all should right?!  LOL!!!  Some nerves, huh??  Wasn't this great dialogue, I enjoyed it, I enjoyed piquing your interest, hope you felt the same way...I can't wait to share more...Yep, I'm talking about SEX - SURVIVING the EX and I'm doing well, how about you????

ENJOY your week!

Lending my voice,

Lady J